You can't make her realize anything. You can have influence. But there is a difference between manipulating and influencing another person. You shouldn't do anything as a way of punishing her for her decisions. If she thinks you are trying to control, judge, punish, guilt. etc., it won't be a successful outcome. However, if you do what you need in order to detach and protect yourself, and you don't give her the advantages of being M to you while she chooses to be wayward....she will figure out what she has lost and you won't have to point it out. What you "think" would be the main loss to her.....may not be what tips the scale. My loss was not what my H probably thought would be what really woke me up.
Your job is to stick to the plan you have chosen until you are convinced she wants to reconcile the M. In order to do that, you have to keep your head as clear as possible, detach emotionally, protect yourself, and know your objective. You let things hit her without your protection or rescue.
Whenever she comes to you with the excuses of doing things for the boys, just remember that it confuses them when they get these mixed messages. Don't let her guilt you into things she wants.
Reconciling for the WAS seems to be slow and painful. That is why we tell the LBS that it takes a lot of time. And the more cake the WAS eats, the longer it seems to take them wanting to go back into the M all the way. Btw, in case she should ever suggest she moves back to house and stay in a separate bedroom, do not accept it. A WAW will sometimes do that when finances are difficult for her, or she's lonely, etc. But bottom line is she's not ready to be his W in all ways. She just wants more cake!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
