So no positive interactions or anything like that? I don't mean like BFF's I just mean "friendly" when dropping/collecting the kids etc.
Just be polite, the same way you would treat a stranger. I know this seems a little overboard, but it all adds up to him realizing the R he lost with you and he doesn't get it back by picking up the kids. I would say to do like this when at work, etc. You don't have to show a angry face or anything. You can smile and speak in a friendly tone. But I wouldn't start joking around or throw compliments, etc. I am not sure how you mean positive interaction. In time, you may be able to be a little more friendly, but as long as he is involved with OW while he's M to you, why would you knock yourself out? Am I making sense? If not, I will try to clarify.
As long as you respond through emails about work only, I suppose that beats talking in person or over the phone.
It sounds like you have improved from where you were. I did spot read your thread, trying to catch up so I could respond to you. So, it is good to hear what you say today.
You said your H was in the gutter when he went to rehab for his drug addiction. In a sense, he has to reach that place with his affair/OW addiction. Sometimes it doesn't have to get to that place, but when it continues as long as your H's has, it may. That is why he has to realize what he's lost and decide if OW is worth it.
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He's said I can have full access to his phone records, email, facebook and he will block her number so that she cant call him - its exactly what I asked him to do?
Well, I will say this.........where there's will there's a way. KWIM? Pay as you go cell phones, start a new email account, etc. But the red flag I see is him putting a deadline of a month on this supposedly no contact with OW. That just speaks to me that he is not serious enough.
When you say he admitted certain things about his feelings growing, etc. I think of the word "admitted" as an answer given when one is prompted or questioned. To me, it's not quite the same as when it is volunteered information. Were you asking him these things?
I can't stress enough how important it is that he has OW out of his system before your M will be successful. His feelings for you are affected by his addiction to OW. He will have to actually go through a withdrawal period. When the strong craving to contact OW hits him.....that's when his resolve will fizzle........"if" he is going by his feelings. He is giving it a try for a month to see how he "feels". He will either be very confused or mistake his craving for love. He needs to make his decision based on what is the right thing to do, and not just on his feelings. But I don't think you are in a position where you can tell him. I am just trying to explain to you. Plus, if he thinks he is doing exactly what you have asked of him........then he will believe he's done his part. But ending contact is simply the first step.
If it takes time for him to process things in his life, you can certainly hope that some time away from OW is better than no time at all. It just doesn't solve his problem until he decides to permanently end it. And back to the subject of how friendly you should be........since he believes he is doing what you have asked, you can use this time to be more pleasant and friendly towards him. But if he doesn't end things with OW after the month is up, then I would certainly limit my friendliness.
Have you considered selling out your share of the business? If you end up getting D, it could be very uncomfortable.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
