New here - H's MLC hit like a ton of bricks

[LiveNow]

So I still haven't responded to H regarding his thoughts that he wants to use a mediator to 'end the marriage.' (I'm so irked by his choice of words because they just don't sound like something he would come up with on his own. Then again, not much he says these days sounds like him anyway.)

I'm still feeling pretty good about my future whether I stay married or not. But I'm feeling quite hopeless about our marriage now, even though I know it's not over until it's over. I'm losing respect for him quickly. Tell me again why I should allow myself to be treated this way? If I rarely see him, and he is talking about mediation, how am I supposed to DB? How do I keep being nice without letting him walk all over me? I'm finding it extremely difficult to use a friendly tone with him. I do not yell, or say mean things, but it takes every single ounce of restraint to actually be pleasant. It's almost impossible.

As I look at him, I'm starting to see a pretty pathetic, sad, angry, and confused cheater who thinks he is finally 'taking control' of his life. The really crazy thing he said the other day that keeps sticking with me is that he has been 'thinking it over' for the past 10 months, yet he never said that to me this entire time. From day 1, he has kept the same story - 'I'm sorry. There is no hope.' Yet here we are, almost a year later, and he has done nothing and is saying the same thing. I kind of assumed it WAS over - back in July. (Of course, I acted as if it wasn't -- it was all I had to hang onto.)

Should I just cut my losses and move on, and allow the divorce to happen (when I still don't want it)? Why on earth continue to stay with someone who doesn't want you in his life? Or do I prolong it as much as possible, hanging onto hope that his relationship with OW will end or that something else will 'wake him up'? So very annoyed, sad, and tired of the drama...Feeling pretty good -- about my new life I'm establishing -- but pretty stuck otherwise.