If you have already tried to hold hands or kiss him and he's shunned you, then the message from him is that he doesn't want you to do that. Respect his wishes and not attempt it again. You need to learn to follow his lead, observe and listen.
Right now, it appears that he's infatuated w/the ow and his focus will be on her and doing what will please and impress her. Please understand that you have absolutely no control over what he does or doesn't do when it comes to that relationship and his crisis. Well, I hate to say this...but they all change to some degree when they are in crisis. They generally revert back to the age that they were emotionally stunted and some act like teenagers and others like 2 and 5 yr olds. It's all part of the crisis. They are like onions and they have to peel the layers back to get to the core of their issues and yes, there will come a time when they will wear masks to hide how they are really doing. Sometimes he'll wear the mask of happiness and when he's around you, it could be the mask of unhappiness, etc. But that will come as he moves along.
Yes, I realize it hurts when you can't kiss or touch your spouse, but if he's indicated that he doesn't want you to do that, then don't do it. Learn to respect his wishes. Learn to observe, listen and follow his lead. If he wants to hold hands, he'll need to be the one to initiate.
All relationships start out as friends and that's where you will need to begin again when he's open to that kind of relationship. Right now, he's a roommate who doesn't want any type of emotional ties to you and the family. He doesn't want any responsibility and he wants to be able to come and go w/out being accountable for his actions. However, the consequences of his actions will eventually come back to haunt him...but not for a while.
If you have some time, please go to the MLC Archives and do some reading. There are many good threads there, as well as on the current forum. You aren't alone on the path and there are many who walking right beside you. Dig deep for patience, as you will need tons of it as you walk the path. Learn to sit quietly and the answers will come. Come here to ask questions, vent or just to chat. Do not share any information that you receive here w/him. This is your safe haven.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
