You know...I was all set to deny that, and then I realized that that would be like an alcoholic denying he has a drinking problem when someone suggests it to him... So, while I can't quite deny it, I will say that the extent to which I'm focused on her might be at least slightly less than it seems since a lot of what I'm doing here is venting/journaling. At the very least, I'm reasonably confident that W doesn't see it...I can say with pretty high certainty that what's in my head stays in my head... Still, I see and appreciate your point. What's in my head is still something I need to work on.
That having been said, I would appreciate feedback from anyone on a particular 180/GAL... W has always complained that I've neglected my friendships and "don't have any friends anymore". Which isn't 100% true, but true enough. My closest friends don't live near by anymore... but I certainly could have made some trips to visit them. To my credit I do keep in touch with them online, but I know that's not the same thing. So from my W's perspective my life is just work, the kids, and her.
So I've been getting in touch with some friends that I haven't seen in forever, and actually went out to dinner with one of them last night while W was at a concert with one of her girlfriends. Here's the thing though... the friend I went out with is female. I've known her for close to 20 years and it's totally 100% platonic, and W knows this...but I wonder if there might be some unintended consequences of this. I know GAL is for me, but 180's/GAL are also supposed to draw the WAW back in, so I don't necessarily want to do anything that is going to push W further away either.
W knows I went out with old female friend (OFF) and one OFF's girlfriends last night, and she knows I have plans to meet them again for lunch today while W is at work. When I mentioned to W that I was meeting up with them again she jokingly said "boy you sure can't get enough of OFF can you?", and then followed that by saying she was just kidding and it didn't bother her. I am wondering though... W can be 1) very jealous, and 2) is what most people would describe as quite attractive, and 3) regularly has other men hit on her. It's never bothered me though...and I've never tried to control W or anything like that. She however has always been very quick to get a little rankled when another woman pays me some kind of attention... I could almost see W thinking "well if stumps is going to go out with OFF, then I'm going to go out with one of the many people who hit on me".
I just want to tread lightly here. When I'm GALing, should I be careful in what I chose to do? Or should I simply do whatever works for me. Like I said, I know the focus is on me...but I also am trying to achieve two goals here. Becoming a better me, and becoming attractive to my W again.
Two small positives I'm noting for myself: 1) W continues to wear wedding ring when she goes out and I noticed she put it on today before leaving for work (she takes it off at night because her fingers swell). 2) I never initiate physical contact with her, but she has been continuing to hug me before she leaves for work, which I thought maybe she's been doing for appearances for the kids, but she made a point of coming and giving me a hug before leaving for work today even though the kids are at the in-laws. Not letting it get my hopes up by any means...but I guess it's better than nothing.
H: 43 W: 37 M: 11 years T: 12 years S: 11 D: 8 ILYBINILWY, "I want to move out" and "I want a divorce": 3/23/14 MC started: 9/22/14 Affair and past infidelity discovered: 9/26/14 Piecing: 10/20/14
