One thing I figured out early on that really helped me was to enforce the schedule my WAW and I had with our daughter as rigidly as possible. I almost always made sure I had SOMETHING planned with my daughter the times I had her, even if it was just going to the grocery store or the park. This was important, because my WAW went through a phase where she would want to just show up for a few minutes to see my D, then take off again. After the first couple of times that happened and my daughter cried after she left, I knew I had to put a stop to that.
Granted, my daughter was a bit younger than your 2 boys, but it's one thing to walk in and out of your life, quite another to walk in and out of your boys' lives. Make yourself busy with them all the time, and your mind will eventually think about her less and less.
I didn't go back and reread all your posts to see if you have a defined schedule, but I think you need to have one preplanned, even for holidays. You can always tinker with it over time. But it's not fair to your kids if you don't know where they're going to be, because they won't know either and that's not good for them.
When you're not with the boys, always go do something. Even if you just take a long walk (no cost to do that) or go to the gym or try a new restaurant.
M-34 XW-32 D-7 Found OM's presence 4/09 Separated 12/09 Divorced 8/10 GREAT relationship as coparents since 8/10
