Barrybran - Yet Another Thread

[Barrybran]

Journaling:

It feels good to be digging deeper into my own issues. I still have a lot of confidence that my wife and I can work things out as it's not about a lack of chemistry but knowing what each other likes and dislikes and how to treat each other. It is still tough to deal with those things not in my control though.

Last night, I finished work and came home and the house was empty. I went to bed at about 11pm and my wife hadn't returned home. I don't feel sad so much now but I do still feel uncomfortable when she's not around. I woke this morning at 5:30am to find she still hadn't been home. My mind wandered and I went to and fro thinking what ifs and killing them. I went to work and I was fine.

My wife went out of town today to do some shopping for herself and the kids. She sent me a message while I was at work gloating about the kids' stuff. I said it sounds like she'd done well and that the kids would love their new stuff. I had a short day today so I've come home and my wife still hasn't been home so she's gone out of town from wherever she stayed the night. She called a while ago to ask if I needed anything from the town she was in but the things I need are clothes, etc and only I can really get them.

Things like this do highlight the importance of not mindreading. I'm getting better at stopping the thoughts but I still find it tough not having them in the first place. I know my wife doesn't love me or much like me right now but she still thinks of me by sending me messages about what she's bought the kids and asking if I need anything too.

This afternoon I'll continue with some yard work, head out and do some shopping and then I'll have some downtime and try to think about the questions I've been posed.