I am so fracing angry at my wife! She is so screwed up that she actually said she knows it will hurt the kids but "people do many things to hurt their kids". Who is this bitch? Who is this worthless, selfish, amoral, valueless person? Where is the person I married and who lived with me for so many years? How is she going to get out of the tunnel when the biggest part of her past she needs to face is how badly her dad treated her and now he is saying all the things she wants to hear but for his iwn selfish reasons? Her trust issues have been a big part of her problems all her life. Trust issues brought about because of what her dad did. Now she can't even remember the ugly things he said to her, about her how he has tried to get her to leave! It's like none of it ever happened.
How bad is it that the OM is her own father. How bad is it that the only things she can say I did are from 20 years ago! Not one thing she can point to and say "you were a bad husband because you did _____.! No, it's just that she doesn't feel romantic love towards me anymore. Doesn't like that I'm on medication for my inability to sleep (due to her). I was diagnosed with low testosterone a few months before B-Day and now she says she doesn't like me taking replacement! Why? At least I don't need anti depression meds like she does! What the hell do you say to someone other than its not our marriage or me and she AGREES saying she just needs to be in control of her life. Than 5 min later says she hasn't ever loved me the whole time we've been married!
After this she asks me to watch a Disney movie with her and our 14 year old daughter and gets choked up at the romantic parts! Acts all happy towards me. Talks friendly to me knowing at this point I would like to kill her! She seems to enjoy my pain. She knows our daughter is counting on going to private school like she has all her life and we did for her sister and now it's more important that she save for retirement! When I told her I made enough for both the girls to be in private school and I'll find a way she started up with how I'm 52 (she's 47) and I should be saving towards retirement, like her. Does she not know that 1/2 that retirement is mine? How can she be so Unbelieveably nieve about what divorce really means? Her dad got away with hiding all his assets in his divorce but to do that he gave up access to his kids.
Is it wrong of me to want to make it as hard as possible for her. Not so she stays, God knows I don't want her like she is but because I actually want her to hurt the way she is hurting me and her kids. She really thinks they will get over it as long as the two of us are nice to each other like the fact that they are going to be ripped out of the family they thought they would always have because she wants what she wants will just be a bump in the road as she will be a much better parent because she will be happy!
I want to get away from her and leave but I am afraid of what I might do if I'm out on my own right now. Damn, I hate this feeling. I was trying so hard and now I'm back to the anger stage. Ugg! I can't wait to hear what she tells her moms family when she goes. They love me, her mom told her sister's family but my W doesn't know that. They have talked to me and cried saying they don't understand why she is doing this and for her part, my wife has kept it hidden from them. She tells me she hasn't said a bad word about me to anyone (but her dad) and never would because there's nothing to say except what happened 20 years ago and when they ask if I've ever given her a reason to doubt me since she can't say yes!
None of this makes sense in my mind. How can she keep hanging this on an event that happened so long ago that while bad, I've done nothing but prove it was in the past and never would happen again. Hell, I'm repeating myself. Sorry everyone. Just hurting.
