Georgia - Thanks for the advice. It is so hard for me to make changes for myself. I have always been a follower not a leader. I always mold/prezel myself to what other people want. It sounds pitiful, but I don't mind it. I am feeling like thru all this I need to change my personality too. Poor H when he tells someone that know me that he wants to leave they really question him. They say why she is so nice and a great mom. It drives him crazy. How is your R going?

Job - Thanks for pointing out that the lists will keep coming and there is nothing that I can do to please him. I should have figured this out when everything is my fault, even his childhood. I had no idea they would do a dance to get what they want. The typical for h is to play stomping upset 2 year old, but recently when he wanted something from me - he played mr. niceguy (I did not trust this at all.) You are so right about letting him live his life. He really does not like it when I told him that I am not interested in what he is doing with his new friends. When he gots out I just smile and say have fun - it pisses him off that I don't get upset. It is like he wants me to fight against OW for him. But I get the feeling if I fought for him, he would not want that either - which is exactly what you said. How is your R going?

Whytry - Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one that is taking time finding myself. I feel like H is going to put me in a midlife crisis too. LOL. How is your R?

So what is the shortest, longest, and average time MLC takes? How do you know when they are starting to come back to you? Do they sometimes come back with some issues and reconcile and stay while working out issues - or is it flip back and forth?

Thanks for all the great advice. It is nice that I have some peeps out there that are helping me, and understand exactly what I am going thru. I have found that family and friends cannot help bc they see me hurting and the only way they know to stop me from hurting is for me to leave R. It does not help that thru all this my health has been in danger and I am probably going to lose work soon.