Upwards - Moving Fowards, Tiny Positive Steps

[Upwards]

Remember, this is a marathon. When to quit or move on is an individual choice, but it does get easier. There are folks here that have literally been DBing for years.

Yeh I suppose its just a bad day, I just feel overwhelmed with it all today.

A little mind-reading there....you don't know that he values OW more than you.

He's made clear that he doesn't value her more than me & that its his insecurities that are stopping him cutting contact with her & his fear or being alone - I suppose it just feels that he values her around more than me.

Couple of things to consider here. First, usually when someone says they are done, they have been thinking about it a LONG time. Once they get to that point, they don't do a 180 easily, or quickly.

Yeh I didnt think of it like that, he's not been happy for a long time so know it wasnt an overnight decision.

Second, usually an OP is multiple things....easy, exciting, fun. Very difficult to give that up. And yes, long term, it probably wouldn't be any of those things, but when they are in it, they don't realize that.

He's said there is nothing romantic between them, she's just someone to talk to & a friend - he sees no future with her or anything like that. He's also said that he knows he needs to cut contact so HE cant figure out what he wants in our marraige, he's just scared. He said that he's "going through the process" and is "getting there" whatever they mean!

He's recently told me that she's told him to come back to me & work on things with me because he expressed his doubts...

So try to have some compassion and understanding for your H. Keep your boundary, but again, go easy on yourself.....this isn't about you as much as it's about him. Let him find his way.

I suppose i'm finding the NC difficult at times, it seems crazy to cut him out when I want him in my life... i'm having a war with myself over it at the moment but obviously cant go back on my boundary either?!