Wife moved out to be with her Tour Guide Lover

[Oxford1]

you two have been caught up in this twisted, unhealthy dynamic for so many years (bickering back and forth, control issues, mean-spirited, each of you fighting for your "inch of ground" on every issue) that it's not really HER you are missing. It's the sick, unhealthy DYNAMIC that you can't let go of.
They saw and heard her verbal abusive attacks on me. They used to say Mom starts every fight but Dad does not know when to walk away.
That explains why you rush to see every call, voice mail, text, whatever. You can't seem to live an ordinary life without the drama that you BOTH create.
The only strong emotions I got from her where when she was raging. MY IC and OUR MC, all felt that sometimes I would aggravate her just to get some attention. They find it interesting as does our extended family that no one ever saw or heard me yell, but they always saw her starting with me. My IC feels my WAW was very angry with me for something I may not have actually have ever done.

Until you do some deep soul-searching and self-reflection to discover why you are so addicted to this poisonous relationship and these very unhealthy interactions, this will go on and on. Why do you crave negative attention from her? Is it because ANY attention is better than NO attention?
see above
Normal relationships do not look like this. At all.

The above left out the physical violence which is a huge factor.I and she both have had a lot of counseling on this. The issue is I was always honest with my IC, she most likely lied, and took no responsibility ever for anything.

I found this in your early pages. What are you doing about soul searching and healing you?
I am a different man. I no longer allow anything to anger me. I have even learned that materiel objects mean nothing. I have spent weeks repenting for any wrong doing I am to the point where she even trusts me enough to eve back in...But of course I think my control issues came into play here. I wanted her back to try Plan A, but when I realized she was still with him and then the realization that they were having sex disgusted me..Then I saw her clothes in our closet, I almost vomited...Especially because she made sure that I would see all the new clothes he bought her that are even to short for a 25 year old..WTF did I do??

You really should be less concerned about what she's doing and pour your energy into you and your kids. Were they witness to the physical violence? Only hers directed at me. What they saw from me, was maybe throwing my plate full of food into the garbage or pushing my mail unto the floor, it was a way to redirect my rage and not hurt anyone, she just never got that.Is that how they've learned to handle conflict?no not at all, my boys are very calm and laid back. The issue WAW does not see is that OM came from a middle eastern family where his father brutalized his wife. I fear that he will turn out to be a true abuser hence her injured arm..
That's why I say you have a scary dynamic for everyone involved.

I am scared to death!!!
[i][/i]