I had a thought last night. .. I am doing all this work on myself, making positive changes, but I don't see him doing the same.
Ex: last night I asked him about parent schedule for upcoming holiday-- we still share the car so it gets tricky. He got all bent out of shape, lecturing me--"well how were you planning to do that? I can't even see how you would do that?" Kind of aggressively, and definitely not in a problem-solving, calm way. I know now that he has his own anxieties (I could never really see that before because I was always consumed with my own fears), but I guess what I'm trying to figure out now is... do I even want to be with this man anymore? He does not seem very capable of self-reflection or growth, definitely lacks empathy. I'm not really sure if he is capable of change.
So, do I just wash my hands of it, grieve for the loss of the marriage, family, friends, vision of the future and move on? How do I set a goal of "reconciling" if I am not interested in reconciling unless he changes? I can't control what he does, and I don't want to be with him unless he can address his side of it.
He complained that I pulled away-- didn't make him feel loved. He is right. But he is still exhibiting the behaviors that caused me to pull away.
Good thing I am talking to coach this week. Looks like I need it!
