If you've 'had a life' all along, the 180s seem wise, just don't give up everything.
From my perspective (originally the WAW who had an A and then became LBS), I think her responses seem positive. Obviously I can't say for sure but she seems to be responding to you. Her comment to your friend about it being too late is common, there isn't anything more frustrating to the WAS than to have their spouse finally make the changes they were looking/asking for all along. I was ticked off when I was ready to leave and my H started doing what I had asked him to do for years, pi$$ed actually! I couldn't believe it and I thought "Really? All of these years I asked you and you wouldn't do it and now, when I'm ready to go and finally happy again you do it?" However, don't let that deter you because even though it is her reaction now, it doesn't mean it will be her reaction in 2 months, 6 months, 1 year. Are you in it for the long haul? It took my H and I years to recover, but we did and we are doing great, so it really is possible. Hang in there. She is noticing your changes and, for now, that is what you need.
It is a fine line when one S wants a divorce and the other doesn't. When my H finally had enough (when I became the LBS), we were basically separated but living in the house together so I did LRT (the book says this is a must if one S wants to leave). I was always positive and upbeat around him, I would have conversations but end them a little sooner than usual, I wouldn't initiate them but I was never cold/rude/distant, I would only call or text if it was about the kids, etc. It took about 4 months before we had any personal interaction but I just kept doing it. So keep doing what you are doing and I will be sending out positive thoughts for a reconciliation.
It is easy for your W to feel that she has to move on to be happy if she has had her needs ignored for a long time. The book is 100% on in describing the WAW so it will take a while for her to believe there is a chance of things changing and working. Don't give up hope.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
