Wife wants a divorce

[VFL]

Oh yeah stumps you are looking at this right. She told me she wanted a divorce on march 21. Initially i agreed, then realized a couple of days later I'm still in love with her. Been dbing ever since

[lovethehub]

VFL,

If you've 'had a life' all along, the 180s seem wise, just don't give up everything.

From my perspective (originally the WAW who had an A and then became LBS), I think her responses seem positive. Obviously I can't say for sure but she seems to be responding to you. Her comment to your friend about it being too late is common, there isn't anything more frustrating to the WAS than to have their spouse finally make the changes they were looking/asking for all along. I was ticked off when I was ready to leave and my H started doing what I had asked him to do for years, pi$$ed actually! I couldn't believe it and I thought "Really? All of these years I asked you and you wouldn't do it and now, when I'm ready to go and finally happy again you do it?" However, don't let that deter you because even though it is her reaction now, it doesn't mean it will be her reaction in 2 months, 6 months, 1 year. Are you in it for the long haul? It took my H and I years to recover, but we did and we are doing great, so it really is possible. Hang in there. She is noticing your changes and, for now, that is what you need.

It is a fine line when one S wants a divorce and the other doesn't. When my H finally had enough (when I became the LBS), we were basically separated but living in the house together so I did LRT (the book says this is a must if one S wants to leave). I was always positive and upbeat around him, I would have conversations but end them a little sooner than usual, I wouldn't initiate them but I was never cold/rude/distant, I would only call or text if it was about the kids, etc. It took about 4 months before we had any personal interaction but I just kept doing it. So keep doing what you are doing and I will be sending out positive thoughts for a reconciliation.

It is easy for your W to feel that she has to move on to be happy if she has had her needs ignored for a long time. The book is 100% on in describing the WAW so it will take a while for her to believe there is a chance of things changing and working. Don't give up hope.

[VFL]

Thank you. I will never give up on this, even if we get divorced. Her sister has said if its meant to be then we will get back together. obviously I'd like to stay together but a part of me feels like she would be more certain about my changes if i kept doing lrt even after divorce and would be willing top reconcile then.

[VFL]

Told me she wants me to sign the papers so she can take them to her lawyer Wednesday. Eyes got watery and i asked her "so no change in your mind?" She said no. She's getting our daughter ready for dance but I'm a wreck inside.

[MrBond]

Did anything happen to spur her to do it?

[VFL]

No, she has been talking about signing the papers off and on since she dropped the bomb. Sometimes a day or two in between her bringing it up but nothing has happened to make her bring it up again today. She is a very determined woman and when she knows what she wants she goes for it.

I just don't get it. She's so pleasant around me. I expect her to be pleasant when the 3 of us are together but I expected some distance from her when it's just the 2 of us. She talks about being still being friends after this is over. I know I have to be in order for any chance of reconciliation but it's hard when i feel like she's ripping my heart out.

[MrBond]

I do understand that you have been keeping your changes going, and now you're going to have to continue to do so in earnest. This is the hard part.

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you. I will never give up on this, even if we get divorced. Her sister has said if its meant to be then we will get back together. obviously I'd like to stay together but a part of me feels like she would be more certain about my changes if i kept doing lrt even after divorce and would be willing top reconcile then.

I have 2 family members who divorced and later reconciled. So yes, it happens.

It was a few years before they got back together, but absolutely the changes "appear" more real over time, b/c they ARE REAL, when it has become habit and lasts...

Hang in there...and don't cement things in her by confirming that "no change" has happened in her.

Just take her words at face value for now, not necessarily believing them but not challenging or confirming them. The more you challenge her choices, the more you force her to defend/explain them. That does not help you.

Being the best most loving father WILL be noticed by her. Regardless of her commenting, it is absolutely noted. And It's a turn on for mothers, believe me. Be the best dad you can be and a good decent man.

Be a man only a fool would leave.

What GAL are you doing lately?

[VFL]

I am being the best father i can be to my daughter. 1. because i love her and 2. because my time with her could very likely be cut into in the near future.

I don't have much of a life now because I pretty much did my own thing before she dropped the bomb. Sleeping, video games, gun range etc. Now i'm helping around the house more, backing her up when it comes to disciplining our daughter and just spending time together. She has told a mutual friend she wishes I would've done this earlier(the 180).

[VFL]

It is very hard because sometimes I feel like it's for nothing. That nothing i do will change her mind. But yet she is so much more pleasant to be around. I think it's a combination of my 180 and her actually acting and drafting divorce papers so there is an end in sight for her