I think I belong here #2

[praying_in_GA]

I made the decision today to stop the madness. I have decided to just let him and my control over the end result go. I got a good, heart-wrenching, shirt drenching cry out....I listened to sappy make me wanna curl into a ball songs.....I listened to empowering songs.....and then I wiped my face and stood up. One day at a time. One day. I can only control myself and my reactions. No reason to look years into the future and try to predict my life. Today is happening now.

Every time I have felt the tears building I imagine a stop sign. He doesn't deserve any more tears today.

I think one day at a time is all I can handle. It's been 2 months of bs already. I can't spend the rest of the year pining over him. He will either stay or go. Not my doing, not my control.... If I keep saying it it will stick, right? Lol.

I can't sit and cry for him any longer. It's been 2 months. He can't have that much control over my life. I am done hurting myself. If he doesn't want me, someone out there will and I can't be a depressed lush when that happens. He's not out there crying and depressed over breaking apart his family...I can't be the one living a sh**y life because he's being this way. I am trying to be realistic with myself. That reality is that we are going to live apart sooner rather than later...even if it is only for a few months or years. I can't spend my life in love with someone who doesn't love want to be with me anymore...someone who doesn't want to work for us even though we have three kids and 14 years together.

I WANT him but I don't NEED him. I LOVE him but I will LIVE without him.


My new theme song:

"A Little Bit Stronger" - Sara Evans

Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain.
But I brushed my teeth anyway, got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.

Riding in the car to work, and I'm trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio, Stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for minute, but then I changed it.
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

Doesn't happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried.
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer.
I'm busy getting stronger.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

Getting along without you baby,
I'm better off without you baby,
How does it feel with out me baby?
I'm getting stronger without you baby.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.

I'm just a little bit stronger.
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.