I would say, "W, is there anything you need to tell me?" while you show her those comments. Sit quietly and listen. And do this in a public place like a park...
Now for the meaning of confronting: meet (someone) face to face with hostile or argumentative intent.
So, I didnt misread, I read that very clear.
Then you can say, "We cannot be friends when there's a third party in this marriage. When you're done with the OM, I'd be open to your efforts at repairing the damage. I'd have to see your actions. Until you've cut ties with the OM, do not contact me at all."
What about respect her decision of not being with him instead of keep showing her that she did a mistake?
I did mistakes when I was young and it took me years to realize they were mistakes even if many people told me they were at that point, this is called self realization and until his W doesn't reaCh that point, every attempt to change that its manipulative and thats the way she will perceive it.
If she wants to be with Go she will eventually and based on his boundaries realize what steps she has to take. A boundary its not to tell, dont get close or talk to me untill you finish affair or contact with other man, a boundary will be to stop doing things that might lead her to think she can cake eat, stop having dinners, sharing personal time together and things like that.
As for A, I've been around the boards long enough to know that the vast majority of WASes have OW/OM in the picture. It is not mindreading at all, but comes with DB experience. What I am doing here is preparing GoFo for the real possibility that his W is indeed in an A. It is always best to be prepared than look silly when talking with a WAS, right?
Again, leaving in reality its much better, I have a different opinion about this, you know why? Whats the difference between a WAW with A and one without? None, they both leave you behind so at the end with or without A, Gogofo still separated and this is about helping him to change his toughs not preparing him for the worst...live the present moment and stop thinking about the negatives, once you think them you attract them...
With GoFo's situation, he has a book with really nasty comments scrawled all over it and WTF is he supposed to do with it???!!
What about nothing? What if the book wasnt written with any comments?? Thats a fear movement to proof him "right" and her "wrong" for having an A or not and her having an A or not doesnt change the fact that today and now she doesnt want to be with Gogofo, him growing spiritually and becoming a man only a fool would leave, that there might make her think about getting back with him.
We are advising him of how to approach W in a non-controlling way and ask her about it to get her side of it.
The only person advising that approach its you Wonka, I dont see others neither do I, agreeing with asking or confronting her about this book.
There is no point or reason for this and I would like to hear your reasons if you want to share them with me, and whats the expected benefit or outcome of this approach to her in this situation?
Nothing about A. You see the difference?
As for A, I've been around the boards long enough to know that the vast majority of WASes have OW/OM in the picture. It is not mindreading at all, but comes with DB experience. What I am doing here is preparing GoFo for the real possibility that his W is indeed in an A. Then you can say, "We cannot be friends when there's a third party in this marriage. When you're done with the OM, I'd be open to your efforts at repairing the damage. I'd have to see your actions. Until you've cut ties with the OM, do not contact me at all."
Wonka I dont think I am misreading you when I see manipulation in your words, english its not my main language, however I understand you completelly when you write down even if first you say one thing and you ended changing that comment with :
Nothing about A. You see the difference?
And:
Wonka Member
Registered: 10/01/04 Posts: 3188 Edit:
'What did I tell you in an earlier post in your thread, Ye, about this very matter? I said that DBing isn't one size fits all. It DEPENDS on each situation so DBing needs to be adapted and adjusted accordingly.'
Thats your opinion, I accept it, respect it and I understand how you feel about this, however I greatly appreciate if you dont judge my way of giving advice, for you it might not be valid for other it is valid.
Thank you Wonka
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
