Wife moved out to be with her Tour Guide Lover

[labug]

About your IC, if she's not working for you, find another. It's not a one size fits all thing.

I haven't followed you daily so will need to read back but from what I'm reading right now, mu suggestion would be to slow down and do the next best thing.

Your W is gone, it's a holiday for your family, celebrate with your family. Your W has chosen not to be a part of that right now. That's her choice.

You don't have to be controlled by her choices.

Why did she move her stuff back in to your H and is that OK with you?

[Oxford1]

It's funny . I was hoping that if she moved back in it would belongs rebuild. It also was to prove to the world that her and Om's stories of abuse were false.
Who in their right mind moves back after running from an abuser?!

Ok so that was if she moved in within a week or two from coming home from Israel.
But as time wore on I wanted it less and less.

Then I spoke to one of the coaches Chuck and he told me to tell her no.
But then the collaborative financial advisor said that because we owe on our sons university loans (not free in USA) and the house and s15!is going Ivy League we need to get our finances in order.
Her AP said he would pay half her rent. My kids feel mom is a high prices escort he pays for hotels clothes meals and she sleeps with him.

I could not have that opinion of their mom .

But now that in reality she's coming back while having the affair I am like ugh
I think Mr Bond is right it's my control issues. I "controlled" her moving in and now I am in control if when she moves out!

[MrBond]

So what is going to be your next plan of action?

[Oxford1]

I plan on reading DR this weekend and Boundaries
.

I also plan on moving all my stuff into the part of the house I will be staying in


I think that's a good start

I also have not responded to any of her messages yet.
They were quite demanding.

[MrBond]

And what were those demands?

[Oxford1]

She wants me to drive her to Vermont to see my son. He sent her a letter of disgust over her affair etc, she sent him a rebuttal and said I would be Sri
Bing her the 5 hours each way to see him. Many tell me she should drive herself.

Then the other one was that I have to make sure DS15 fills out his application on 4-15 for his volunteer job at her hospital. Thing is she does not send it as kindly she puts it in a demanding tone.
The truth is she is galavanting around New Mexico with Mr. Israel and she can take two minutes to call our son and remind him...what she can't do this?

[Oxford1]

This is the original email sent in July 13 by S21 (he was 20) to wife's affair partner

Well if this is Xxxx's Facebook I want you to know that you are single handedly ruining my family. Do you have any regard for the people you are hurting? Do you even care or is this all about getting off with an attractive woman.

You are not only hurting us, the people I thought you actually cared about, but you are hurting my mom. She may think things are perfect now, she may think she's happy but she'll realize in time the mistake you caused her to make. You are going to be the reason she loses everything, her house, her family, her life! You are the most selfish person I know, I thought being Jewish was about doing what was right, being a good person and caring for those you love. If you really cared about my mom and my family you wouldn't be taking her away from us.

She thinks this is some spiritual awakening, but this is not what God would want this is the exact opposite! It isn't spiritual at all, you think you are some righteous man you think you are a good man? Well you aren't, you are the worst kind of man. You are the man I hope neither me nor my brother ever grow up to become. You are selfish and careless, you think this is out of love? This is a crush, when you realize who my mother really is when you see more than just the schoolgirl crush she has on you now things will change. My parents have been together for 27 years and yes there are ups and downs but that does not give you the right to swoop in and be the hero especially because once that phase is over and things start to settle you will realize why my parents fight, you will realize why things are the way they are.

And when that happens and you want nothing to do with my mom, you will have destroyed her, because we will never forgive her for this.. I have learned one thing from this. If all Israelis are anything like you, I hope to never go back to Israel again. I hope your happy with what you are doing because I know I will never forgive you, my brother will never forgive you and worst of all God will never forgive you..

[Oxford1]

His response to my wife, " tell your punk son to mind his business"

Wife did nothing but repeat that to my son...this was last July.

[labug]

You have a scary, volatile situation. I can't see how her moving back is going to make things better. People who are pressured into situations, no matter where the pressure comes from, can react in very negative ways.

Again I ask, is your wife moving back OK with you? You didn't really answer above.

[labug]

you two have been caught up in this twisted, unhealthy dynamic for so many years (bickering back and forth, control issues, mean-spiritedness, each of you fighting for your "inch of ground" on every issue) that it's not really HER you are missing. It's the sick, unhealthy DYNAMIC that you can't let go of.

That explains why you rush to see every call, voice mail, text, whatever. You can't seem to live an ordinary life without the drama that you BOTH create.

Until you do some deep soul-searching and self-reflection to discover why you are so addicted to this poisonous relationship and these very unhealthy interactions, this will go on and on. Why do you crave negative attention from her? Is it because ANY attention is better than NO attention?

Normal relationships do not look like this. At all.

The above left out the physical violence which is a huge factor.

I found this in your early pages. What are you doing about soul searching and healing you?

You really should be less concerned about what she's doing and pour your energy into you and your kids. Were they witness to the physical violence? Is that how they've learned to handle conflict? That's why I say you have a scary dynamic for everyone involved.