GO you can see here one more case of a WAW deniying the affair and how Sandi adices the user:
Haven't we been through this once before, or was that someone else? Okay, so....don't do it. To me, you are not only trying to control, but you are trying to force her to admit the A and to stop the A. That's what it boils down to, anyway. Nobody can blame you for feeling like you do, however, it just won't work on her.
It is really driving you crazy that she continues to deny the A. You keep thinking of ways to try to squeeze it out of her, but it all sounds the same to me.
If I were the WAW and you presented that speech to me, I would let you know very quickly that I had not asked you to work with me, forgive me, understand me, or believe me. I am not interested in how sorry you may feel now.....or how willing you are to find solutions to make this M better. I am not hard of hearing or senile, and I don't have to have your consent or blessings on what I choose to do. You are not my father nor my Pastor, so stop preaching.
This won't do anything but start another argument, Zew. I have read many similar posts from other LBH's who try to make the W end the A and work on the M. Unfortunately, it just doesn't work this way. _________________________ It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
What did I tell you in an earlier post, Ye, about this very matter? I said that DBing isn't one size fits all. It DEPENDS on each situation so DBing needs to be adapted and adjusted accordingly.
Sandi was responding specifically to Zew's situation and sharing her experience in that context. In this particular matter, Z wanted VERY BADLY to confront his W with evidence of her ongoing A.
With GoFo's situation, he has a book with really nasty comments scrawled all over it and WTF is he supposed to do with it???!! Exactly. We are advising him of how to approach W in a non-controlling way and ask her about it to get her side of it. Nothing about A. You see the difference?
