Ok I get what you are saying Here is how I have changed. I realised after BD that I was very unhelpful in the morning routine with the boys. My first act when we got up would be to grab a coffee and open my laptop to do some work( I work from home) meanwhile she would be sorting the boys out and getting things organised for school etc. I now realise I should have helped more with that, especially now that I have to do it all alone, it is hard work and I could and should have helped out more. She had been saying for a while that I had put on a lot of weight and wanted me to lose some. I started a diet in Aug last year but only started the gym in Oct. I have since upped my attendance to 3 times per week, have a strict diet and have lost a total of 46lbs and am toned and in the best shape of my life, she has even acknowledged that saying I look amazing. I have realised that I didn't spend enough time focusing on her as a woman and regarded her primarily as the mother of our boys, that was wrong, she needed me to pay more attention to her as a woman and that was remiss of me. I believed we were unbreakable and took our marriage for granted,I realise that, I should have listened when she told me the age thing was an issue and worked on the other things. I do look young for my age, most people don't believe me when I tell them I am 50 but I obviously left the other things a bit late for her and now she is gone. I can't begin to explain the pain I am in right now, I miss her desperately and it kills me to know he is dating other guys because there was a time, not so long ago when we were so amazingly close. But I am continuing to work on myself because I know I must, for me and the boys. You must understand though, she really has pulled away from them also, that upsets me greatly and I am at a loss as to how to handle that.
