Hi Forever. You know, when we first started all the initial R talks post B-day, my wife said one of my best qualities was how she knows, no matter what, I would always love her and care about her. The examples she gave were a bit odd, like if she gained lots of weight when she knows its never been about how she looks or how much she weighed in the 25 years we've been together. Another was if she were to get sick and be unable to care for herself, I would still love and care for her. But of course she added that wasn't enough because she didn't want to stay with me just because of that without "feeling" the "right kind" of love.
I really think that one thing that hurts is that when her parents divorced her mom held on for way too long. She never dated, and now is 70 and lives alone while her dad ended up marrying the OW and sailing around the world with her on the money he cheated her mom out of. She see's her mom, the one who tried to save the marriage, as the "loser" and her dad who would go to C and just ignore everything and read magazines, as the "winner". He has his wife, a fun life and her mom has nothing. So, in her mind the person who "tries" and hangs on is the "loser".
I don't want her to stay out of guilt, of course. But I also don't understand why she can't see the changes and see me the way she did in the past. If I had hurt her, been an awful husband and father I could understand so much better. But to hate me for wanting to have a great marriage is just so weird to my way of thinking!
Thanks for the input, Forever. We both have much to do and learn!
