Mondays for days ...

[Train]

Yeah. I'm in NC. The Bible Belt, for all its faults, frowns on infidelity.

It could be the day. It could be the EVENTS of the day. It could be that I'm just plain-out exhausted. Or it could be the wine. Regardless, for right now, I'm thinkin':

Yeah, H. Rage on, my friend ...

[twinmom]

I lived in NC for a few years.... when I was married to my first husband. My 7yr old was born there. We lived in Holly Springs, right outside Raleigh. I loved, loved, loved it there and would move back in a heartbeat. Should have divorced my first husband there, he cheated and we moved back to Chicago to try and "fix" our marriage...... didn't work so well.

[Train]

Sweet!!! I'm close to Charlotte. Born and bred.

[Train]

H texted about 15 minutes ago, apologizing for the "rant" yesterday ... but went on to explain what made him mad and said he has no choice but to go hire his own L now. He also texted that he'll check into a medical-insurance question I had posed yesterday.

I feel no need to respond. Anybody else think this requires anything on my end?

[Starsky309]

I personally would always respond to an apology. I would reply "I understand; this is very difficult on all of us."

[Train]

I've used that one several times. Which leads me to a question: At some point, do we start sounding like feeling-less robots to these fools?

[Starsky309]

Yes. They hate it (at least my wife did). But I decided it was more important to be consistent in my message and boundaries, and to NOT get sucked into her drama and R talks, or legal/financial talks.

[Starsky309]

I've used that one several times. Which leads me to a question: At some point, do we start sounding like feeling-less robots to these fools?

Also, there are other ways to put one's changes on display for their wayward spouse, other than directly in their COMMUNICATION with their spouse. Watching you interact with your kids, with others, etc. I made sure to give my wife glimpses of "the new-and-improved-Starsky" thru my sitch, while remaining unwavering in my boundaries with HER.

[Train]

I think I like the idea of non-communication.

*Any* conversations with him right now leave me feeling drained and beat down.

Right now, I feel numb. I don't know why. But I'm guessing it's because I haven't communicated with him the past couple days. And I'd rather feel numb than sad or angry.

Another question that's been heavily on my mind: do you think that approaches should be different depending on whether we are men or women? Take strength and confidence and assertiveness, for instance. Strangely, those tend to characterize me, even though they are more masculine qualities. Acting like that now would be more of the same for me. In fact, H mentioned that the very day after BD: "Look at you, Train, already getting that independent streak back." I guess that means he viewed me, for some time, as having lost it ...

I guess I'm just trying to strike a happy balance between demonstrating happiness, contentment and strength ... but not coming across too independent and fierce.

It doesn't matter right now while I have such limited interaction, I suppose. Heading to the beach with the kids for a week, beginning next weekend, which will give me a much-needed, lengthy break.

But I'm interested in your opinion on whether men and women LBSs should approach things differently.

[Train]

Okay, while I'm on a roll on this subject ...

... I mean, 3 days after the BD - after I came home from visiting my sister - I told H that I had an immediate job offer after sending out an e-mail to former colleagues. And THAT - even after a grueling, turbulent 3 days apart post-BD - made H very, ummmm, visibly excited. He could not keep his hands off me from that point forward that night. Like, it was a palpable change that even HE noticed ... and remarked that he didn't understand what had come over him once hearing that.

I'm starting to wonder if my role as a SAHM - even though that's what he said he WANTED me to do - somehow "diminished" me in his eyes. So maybe confidence and independence and assertiveness - even while I feel those are predominantly masculine qualities that, demonstrated in me, have possibly hurt our relationship over the years - may be exactly what I need to continue portraying.

I'm confusing myself.