Hoping Starsky will weigh in - is this just me overthinking again, looking for magic words?
Yes. You can't explain your way out of something SHE acted her way into.
It's good for you to capture these thoughts, and to BE READY with them. But you're going to have to play all those cards on a day and time when SHE is truly repentant and contrite, and asks you "What will it take?"
Until then, she would only see this as some combination of patronizing/holier-than-thou, and too-little-too-late from you. In her current, PEA-fueled wayward mindset, YOU are the problem, and the reason for everything from a cr*ppy marriage to global warming and the situation in the Ukraine.