At the start of all this, I tried so hard to "fix" things. I stopped doing the things that my wife told me bothered her about me. At one time she said she was afraid that if we stayed together her life would be "boring". I took her and the kids to do fun things, all that did was make her change why she had to leave. Back in Dec of last year we had a fight about her going to her company X-mass parties without me. That was when she said she loves me but there are many "kinds" of love. That she needed to "find her joy" and couldn't do that with me around. That was when I STOPPED trying to fix anything and just give her time, space and support (like taking care of the kids so she could go away, helping her do things that she was having trouble with, etc.) but not chasing her, not asking her to not do something or do anything.
Since then things have actually gotten WORSE. She left the bedroom, she took off her ring, she opened a secret bank account. So, although that is what everyone keeps telling me I need to do, all it seems to be doing so far is make things worse. I'll admit that trying to fix things wasn't working well but it seems the more "space" I give her, the more she wants to run! I know I need to GAL for me. That is what I'm trying to do. But it not only doesn't seem to be helping my marriage, it seems to be making things worse!
Is this normal? Does the fact that the lbs is now getting their own life make it easier for the WAS to go? Maybe less guilt thinking that the LBS is going to be ok or maybe even better off without them? I know my W's low self esteem has much to do with her MLC. I know she feels better since losing so much weight but her LSE still rears up often when talking about herself. Someone told me that people with low self esteem sometimes feel that since someone loved them when they don't even like themselves that person must not be worthy or good enough for them when they start to feel better about themselves. Anyone have thoughts on that?
