Mr Bond
You have highlighted a lot of very valid points.
As fo the age gap, yes it appears to be a big issue, but she was the one who pursued me. I am very young looking for my age and at the time we met she pursued me. She set her sights on me and went for it, despite the fact that she was engaged to another guy who she had been with for 3 years and they were planning to get married ( bit of a pattern maybe?)
Yes the gambling was a big issue and a lot for her to deal with. All I can say is that is has been dealt with. And She made a commitment to put it behind uas and move on years ago.
Also she has always been very mature for her age and when her and I got together her closest friend said she wasn't at all surprised that she was with an older man as it was inevitable given her attitude and outlook on life.
As far as me neglecting her needs, I really mean that I probably didn't focus enough on her needs as a woman, attention to the things that matter to her as a wife etc.
But I can assure you I was a very devoted husband and absolutely adored her. In fact most of my friends now say I was too adoring of her and treated her like a princess.
She most definitely called the shots in our home and in our relationship. She made the ultimate decisions as to what we spent money on, where we went on holiday and how we generally lived our lives. I work in a demanding job, she only recently started full time work after years of being part time.
As far as putting her down, well anyone who was witness to our relationship would say she was in charge. We used to have pride in the fact that we almost never argued, that was because she might have got aggressive or confrontational over something and I always calmed it down and walked away. There was a huge imbalance there and it was probably wrong to do that but I have never been the arguing type.
There certainly was a big gap in our levels of intelligence (I hope this doesn't come across as being arrogant) and it is something that is really becoming obvious in what is happening at the moment. My closest friends have said that they wonder what we ever talked about as our interests are different in lots of different areas and she definitely doesn't think in the same depth as I do.
I was attracted to her from the moment I saw her as she is a very attractive girl, she always got lots of attention from guys when we were out but I never expected her to be attracted to me. So I suppose her looks were what done it for me, I was blown away, besotted, and have been ever since.
As far as putting down her ideas..on the contrary, anything she has ever aspired to I have supported, over the past few years there have been several things she wanted to do such as take a college course or join the Fire service etc and I supported and encouraged each and every one, I drove her to her assessmnents to the fire service and helped her with her college application forms and was completely supportive.
I know that on the face of it and because of the age gap it might be construed that I was some sort of father figure but it genuinely wasn't like that, she was very much the head of household.'mummys the boss here'the boys used to say.
I'm going to repeat this again because it was genuinely the case, prior to Dec 14TH ( start of affair) we were a happy, loving couple( not perfect) who got on well, were affectionate with eachother and we had a happy and comfortable life.
I was never meant to find out about this affair, sometimes I wish I hadn't......