life in a mess

[MrBond]

It still sounds like you glossed over alot of details.

In fact you didn't even mention this part earlier - "She said at the beginning of all of this that it was to do with my age ( I am 50 she is 32) and that she no longer found me attractive."

That's a big one. You said that you were going out for 13 years. That means that she was only 19 when you went out with her and you were 37. That's a BIG difference no matter what you try to tell yourself. I suspect that she wishes she had experienced more of life before you got together and she felt trapped.

You said that you had gambling issues that she had to deal with. That's alot to handle for a 20 something. And yet you expected her to take it.

That's why she feels free now and you interpret it as "irresponsible". On the flip side I would say that it was irresponsible of you to not realize this would happen. Not blaming, but it seems a bit obvious.

And then you say in a small line, "I suppose if I am honest I have focused so heavily in never going back there that I probably neglected her needs etc."

What do you mean "etc."? I don't think you really get it that there was probably alot of things she had to deal with at such a young age but you seem to minimize.

"But all of this still doesn't explain how she could change from being a loving and dedicated mum to some sort of wild child overnight."

It makes perfect sense. She's going through all the things she felt she missed out on. If the guy she's going out with is young and attractive, it is an ego boost to her. She probably had low self-esteem that she didn't feel like she could talk to you about.

"yes I obviously neglected her in some way that I didn;t realise but surely we could have spoken about it."

Not really. Are you the type that tends to talk over her? Did you put down any of her ideas? It could be very well that due to your age, she saw you as a "father figure" and so didn't think it was her place to tell you her thoughts. There are many reasons.