I have been reluctant to post for a bit. I am nervous that my H or someone I know will discover this, but I guess that is a risk we all take.
Anyway, I've been doing all my DB'ing (LRT-ville over here)-- not initiating contact, being very positive, GAL. And while there have been some positive changes in our dynamic (he actually apologized for something he said to me recently, even though I didn't act mad or upset (and I certainly didn't say anything about it!).
He emailed me about a tax issue-- he proposed a small change in the way we pay something-- but wrote he was assured by the accountant that it would have no adverse impact on me financially if we file separately next year. He says he was concerned about that, but feels confident it won't affect me. He's offered to babysit our daughter so that I can stay out "as late as I want" even though he doesn't live here.
But at the same time, he seems so at ease and at peace with his decision. He's even said to me he has no anger towards me. He seems to think this can just be a very amicable split, we'll have a great relationship (helping each other out as friends might, even though we are far from friends in the sense that we are not involved in each others' lives at all). He cares about me, he thinks I've handled all of this "remarkably" well, he's proud of all the progress I've made and so happy for me. But still won't let himself believe that he has any other choice.
It's so mystifying and infuriating. All the effort of going through a divorce-- figuring out the settlement (months-long, and big expense), new apartment and furnishings, the effect on our daughter... all of that is worth it to him, he still sees it as his only option. Sigh. It's hard to have hope. It feels like a done deal. And if that's true, he'll just get to walk away thinking that I'm ok with it. SIGH.
