After reading up on MLC I can tell you that two traumatic events from W's childhood most likely caused this....sexual abuse at a very young age from male babysitter and her father leaving when she was 10. The way he left was Unbelieveably bad, the way he treated her was God awful. Part of the story is posted in earlier post. He left his kids 10 and 7 and her mom 1000 miles from home while on vacation with a sail boat and camper after his OW called. When they got back he had moved out of state and put the business in OW name. He drug the divorce over 10 years until both kids were over 18 and never paid a penny in child support. The only thing her mom got was the family home. He married the OW a year after divorce was final and didn't bother to tell my wife let alone invite her to the wedding. Her grandfather had to tell her because he thought it was wrong of his son not to. Before this he refused to pay for college as was in D decree, when he let my wife live outside in an unheated camper in the winter while she went to college, he through her out with no place to go because his GF didn't like that her mom called once a week. He puts her down and says awful things to her like now embarrassed he was to talk to his friends about her when she was a stay at home mother because all he could do was say she "doesn't do anything". All the time my wife would say "as long as he's still alive, there's hope we can have a relationship some day".
When she went back to work she was still not over her depression. She threw herself into her work and the people there because she wanted so badly to be a part of the group of women she works with, most of whom are younger and divorced. To fit in she did everything with them, neglected her kids and marriage. For my part, instead of reacting the way I wanted and should have, I was still reeling from the 3 years of depression she went through before going back to work and I tried to be nice. Tried to show her I was there when she wanted to come back and would always take care of her. In other words I wimped out to the max. She needed me tone firm and I just complained, still did everything she should have been doing and lost myself!
That is how we got here. I was the kind of husband most women would be crazy to leave (God knows that's what her friends and family have been telling her, other than her dad) but the combo of her dad now accepting her wanting to take her to Europe and Austrailia as long as she leaves me, has her unable to work through the biggest childhood problem she has, her father abandoning her! As long as he is telling her he will be the dad she always wanted, she doesn't have to face that demon. All will be better as soon as she does what he wants. Never mind he will end up hurting her again for sure once she does what he wants!
