"I understand that. I know you are guys so you don't sit around pouring your hurt out, but it's not like you're really getting to spend time together if you are out in a loud bar every night."

Hmmm this is validating or judging?

So, now I'm freaking out that H and this friend are going to commiserate with one another over their terrible marriages and that this will help H decide that he definitely wants a D.

Or does the opposite, this is a little mind reading and also I am a man, if we want to live in a equal society where everybody its equal and share the same feelings, I feel it will be valid for you to think that a man sharing about his marital problems with his friend its the same than when a woman does that with another woman or man.
Don't underestimate because you don't really know what they are gonna talk about, and just accept they are going to see each other and start enjoying the cooking with H, change your thoughts, refer to 25yearsmic post of her going to a trip with H and how instead of feeling miserable she chooses to have a looooot of fun, who knows what might happens!! Maybe in the food everything goes so well that you 3 end up together going for a beer and talking about your H friend problems...

You can do this, dont let fear control your life, I am talking by experience wink

When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.