Bless you both-I posted early this morning not expecting an answer back. In the time since I wrote that article, I've learned even more--how that is possible, even I couldn't tell you.
Originally Posted By: BrightFuture
Hearts Blessing, wow, what a pleasant surprise to see you stop by. I’ve read a lot of your threads and learnt so much from your journey.
It's good to know people are still reading what's been written--not just from me, but from other wise people as well. There have been many here who have come such a long way in their journeys.
I never said I had all of the answers,because I'm still learning from a place of full healing.
But then, NO ONE has all of these things, except God who gives generously and for the asking.
What people usually need to know in the beginning after emotional bomb drop are two things: their spouse is in a major mid-life crisis, and once this is uncovered, learned about, and a good understanding is attained, then the second aspect is accepting one cannot do anything for the MLC spouse, but everything for oneself--and the Journey becomes the second aspect to begin walking.
Along the way, people will uncover their own self-truths--my self-truth, for example, would not be the same as say, your self-truth.
However, the basics of the personal journey that are covered within my article are a springboard to greater learning within oneself...it's a beginning, a threshold into this journey of a lifetime.
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What an inspirational post, once again! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You're welcome, Bright Future. Sometimes one needs all the help one can get. I'm glad you're learning from the threads I wrote. While I realize no two people's journeys are just alike, the fact is the goal of learning is the same, as it's important to learn for yourself the lessons of life.
You do learn through and during this same journey toward a better and more mature self, to separate yourself completely from your MLC spouse in an emotional way.
As you discover the areas within yourself that need change, growth, and becoming, and begin healing these, you'll experience a reality of a different kind--that of your MLC spouse.
When we are damaged within ourselves, we can't see what is wrong within the MLC spouse until through our own healing, we begin seeing them in this very same kind of reality we've learned to see in our own self.
Before this happens, we have a tendency to view the world through a lens colored by our own personal issues. When we begin healing those issues of self, our own view changes. It's surprising what you'll also see in other people. What you once thought of as "normal" begins to look a lot different.
The changes you make within yourself will affect everyone around you--and some that had once controlled and manipulated you will be forced to do something different (grow up) in order to relate to you in a more mature way--or they'll choose to walk away--but that's the chance you take, because there comes a time when we are called upon to grow up for ourselves.
I lost a lot of 'friends' when I began growing up, and in time that became OK, because it's better to have a few friends who are willing to grow with you, than to have friends who continue trying to prevent your growth, because they don't want to change, grow, and become right along with you.
You do find along the way that it's not much of a loss at all, because you will gain more than you think--and yes, it's hard at first, but in time it does become easier.
Change must needs to begin within YOU FIRST--then all else will fall into place, given time. You'll find that even if things don't work out, what you've done for yourself becomes more important than saving your marriage, because you'll have learned to save yourself first.
Originally Posted By: Upwards
Originally Posted By: Hearts Blessing
I'm very glad you find this article helpful to your journeys. It's the most important connection you will make in regards to yourself.
Hope you don't mind me re-posting, I read it & it REALLY inspired me! Also thank you for updating, you really are an inspiration & i'm going to keep reading this when I start having doubts
I don't mind at all, Upwards, the reposting is fine--that's what it was written for in the first place.
LOL, an inspiration? Me? No, I'm just a human being who has learned much wisdom through this trial by fire. I would rather think of God as the ultimate inspiration, because He was the one who has taught me these things. As my life continues, He continues to teach me about things I didn't know before.
You've got so many that don't want to do this necessary inner/mirror work within themselves, and that's a shame.
Of course one always has a choice-to take the journey or not to take the journey--if the journey is taken, more is gained than lost--if not, there is a time of cycling that is not much different than a MLC spouse who gets stuck in their MLC.
What you don't face, you will come back to for another try-and in time, the only way out is through.
I'm not the same person I used to be, and that's to be expected, because maturity brings on a more refined sense of responsibility toward oneself first.
All of the old immature ways of relating ended up going by the wayside in favor of a more solid and mature way of relating.
My personal journey brought forth a greater emotional strength, and a better sense of balance within myself.
As I get older, I'm still going through various changes--that's also to be expected, but it's all good, because it's all God in the first place.
Since God would have us to become more balanced within ourselves, it stands to reason this important emotional journey would be triggered by the MLC.
It would have come forth anyway, triggered by something within ourselves. Yes, it's hard, but worth every step walked forward, every fear we learn to overcome, and worth it to learn to be what God would have us to become as a result.
You know, we did the best we could with what we had earlier in our lives-marriage brought on changes, having children brought on changes--in some ways we matured, but in other ways, we were still lacking various aspects that the LBS Journey seeks to round out, and balance within us.
I spent so much time helping people to understand the MLC, and still teach on this aspect. However, comprehension (and the learning to accept and embrace this process) of the MLC is only one part of a whole journey--and when it comes down to it, once we come to understand more about the MLC, it should divert us ( for lack of a better description) onto our own personal journey that will lead into eventual wholeness and healing for ourselves.
The reason for that, would be because of learning the first life's lesson: We cannot control anyone but ourselves, our actions, reactions/responses.
Eventually, it all cycles back to ourselves, because change, growth, and becoming truly does begin within US.
In the time since I wrote that article, I've learned even more--how that is possible, even I couldn't tell you. 
