Talk me down here, folks. I'm not going to respond. But what IS this?!???
Why do we need to "talk you down" ? You already indicate that you know what (not!) to do.
Stop being so reactionary, Train -- you are a bright, attractive, articulate woman. LET HIM TWIST. Next time you're on the phone or in person with him and he goes into the "thanks a lot!" legal rant, just say "You know, there's a reason that put that little 'v' in between the names of the parties, dear heart."
For now, let him be. He's in full-blown entitlement mode, and I suspect that some legal and financial realities are hitting him in the face now. Let them hit. Your mantra (but do NOT respond now!!!) is "I'm sorry you feel that way. Everything I'm doing I am doing to protect myself and the kids as best I can."
Thank you, Starsky. We have a friend who is a L. He represents me but was willing to draw up the papers as long as we are in agreement. Obviously we aren't in agreement. L told H to take our pitch to his own L to see if another L finds it fair.
I just get so stinking bent out of shape when he comes unglued like that. But you're right: these are his consequences. And I won't live in fear of this turning into a legal battle. It is what it is.
Thankfully, his rants are all in texts so I can choose to not respond.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Thank you, Starsky. We have a friend who is a L. He represents me but was willing to draw up the papers as long as we are in agreement. Obviously we aren't in agreement. L told H to take our pitch to his own L to see if another L finds it fair.
Oh, ok -- got it. So your husband's a FOOL in addition to being a petulant little entitled b*tch? LMAO
Yesterday you would've been screwed, as I was traveling
Well thank God that His timing is perfect. The thing is: I'll go days and not hear anything. And then it seems, all a sudden, the flood gates drop and EVERYTHING happens all at once. A call from a friend with information, a call from the L, crazy texts from H. I'm getting better at handling those days, I guess. But it just seems it all happens at once.
And, yeah, I don't mean to sound ugly, but my H is not the brightest bulb in the pack. Sometimes - especially these days - I really start to wonder: Do I want to hang on to my M because it's comfortable? Because I fear being a single parent ... again? Because I just want *a* companion and H has been that for so long? Because honestly? He's not my ideal partner. He can't/won't carry on an intellectual or intimate conversation with me. He's not a MAN. He's like a boy that won't grow up, sort of. I've always said he complements me in that way; his spontaneity has always balanced my more serious, stressed nature. And I mean, he's a great provider. He's a remarkable father. So in THOSE ways, he's good. But he's not a *man* ... you know, a MAN. Maybe I wouldn't do well with a MAN since I've lived so long being the disciplinarian of the family. I HAD to be when I was a single mom of Ds16&17. So I sort of just assumed the role with S7 and D2, too. Plus, H doesn't like to punish; he said his temper's too hot, and he doesn't want to become like his dad.
But I'm always the one who has to make decisions around here, with the kids and other things. And every once in a while, I want to say: You know what? I'm still a woman. I still want to be taken care of. Yes, I like to be respected. But I also want to be romanced. And I'm not talking about dry-humping me in the kitchen. That's not romance.
I don't know. I have a lot to consider once I'm out of my own fog, I guess. Right now, it seems the natural reaction to fight for my M and my H. Maybe it's jealousy. Maybe it's desperation. Maybe it's my morals. Maybe it's comfort. Or maybe it's just a knee-jerk thing.
But eventually, I'm not so sure I'm going to "pick" him again.
Talked to L. He said H was not at all belligerent (like in texts to me) when they spoke. He said H said he doesn't want to drop $4K-$5K on his own attorney. But L said he eventually told him that's what he's going to have to do if he thinks the deal we pitched is unfair. L isn't budging on the numbers. I was happy about that.
And yes, I keep EVERYTHING. I used to be an investigative reporter for a newspaper. I dig deep. And I archive everything. H knows this. Again, not the brightest bulb in the pack.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
I am assuming you are lucky enough to live in a state that "punishes" affairs? I live in a no fault state so it doesn't matter what he does its 50/50..... your awesome, don't back down and don't give in to his rants. Let him squirm! I would live to see my H squirm a bit, he just seems to be happy/calm/no emotion.....
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Yes. And yes. 
