We went to C together last night to discuss S still having problems and to discuss co-parenting. She basically said that she feels that S has a hard time transitioning because I get sad about it. Mind you, he never sees me cry....I hide my eyes or look away - and he says unprompted "I don't like my mommy", "I don't want my mommy anymore"....and a lot of other things....I do NOT feed or prompt it. There is something that he is struggling with and her explanation is that it is basically my fault. ZERO accountability on her part. In fact, she said "he doesn't do that when he has to go to dad's house and I know I'm not a sh*tty parent" -- again, in her mind it is my fault.
With regard to OM, I never knew about it. I mean, I knew it was very well within the realm of possibilities. I wish I was big enough right now to be able to genuinely wish her happiness.....I'm not. I told her that I need to get her out of me head and heart. And in order for me to do that, I need to keep her as far away as possible at all times. Her concern was that I wouldn't send her pictures and updates on S anymore like I often do when I have him. Selfish much? But the thing is she feels I am being punitive when the fact of the matter is I am finally awakening to the need to take care of myself first......which I have not done. I have made her a priority from a distance and sacrificed my own feelings for hers for a bit too long all in the name of showing change, growth and a willingness to be different and show up differently in our relationship. I think I'm done. Pretty much have bloodied my head on that wall more than a few times.
I could say more about the appointment, but I will summarize simply by saying that she still lives as the victim, takes no accountability for her role and is content still blaming me for things that are not going well (like S and the transitions).
Again, I think I just burned out my last drop of gas here. I'm done.
