Starsky, have you read/researched anything about the psychology of that? Because I just don't get it. That seems like childish behavior to me: "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you, either." Why is he like that when he's the one who left? He's the one who said if he came back now and went to therapy it would be "only out of convenience." He's the one who chose someone else over me. So why does he CARE? Seems he'd be indifferent and would actually WANT me to move on so I'd be out of his and OW's hair once and for all! RIGHT???
I didn't prescribe a gender to my friend in any of the texts (because it WAS a guy ... but a guy I've been friends with for YEARS). And I'm not dating; I'm still M and not even legally S - yet. Perhaps H just made a broad assumption, and I probably fed that assumption by not being specific about the identity of said friend in the texts with S7. H is a jealous person, though he laughs things off and just makes snarky remarks about men "wanting (me)." Ugh. That's embarrassing for me to even see in black and white. I didn't provide the name of my friend for a reason ... because H has always thought there was something "there" between my friend and me. And I didn't want to fuel that last night, knowing H could read the texts between S7 and me. Perhaps I just shouldn't have said anything to S7 at all except: "I'm here for now, but I might not be home later."
So here's another question, which arose after I was reading something yesterday from a former cheating WAS: If H's self-esteem is so crappy (and it is, except for what OW has done to bolster it recently), was it shaky ground for me to even mention I was going out with a friend? I mean, I wrote it to S7, but it's on H's phone so obviously H is privy to anything I write. I don't want to inadvertently damage his self-esteem even more. BUT, he has OW. He left our family. There's a part of me that WANTS him to know I'm not only capable of moving on ... but I AM moving on.
Right? Or no?
Sorry for all the questions.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
