my wife left, but still lives with me #3/continued

[ericmsant2]

Touch spot

Probably shouldn't have changed my facebook status to divorced then

Do you know why you did it? Can you see and understand why?

I pointed at the note and said jokingly 'about time'. You know, rather than being sullen about it or begging/pleading against it I thought that would be something unexpected.

Is the real reason you said this jokingly was to not be sullen? Be honest… why did you really say it?

The past two days I have sensed, basically it feels like waves of hate from my wife. I have no idea why she is so angry. I haven't been talking R with her, went and picked up my papers as she requested, as far as I know I have done absolutely nothing to her.

Her anger is HER issue to deal with. Also, stop always thinking that this is about YOU. It could be about her. Who knows why she is angry.

Her and her lawyer sure are shooting for the moon based on the paperwork from today. Wants alimony, primary custody, child support, me to help pay for her lawyer, maintain insurance on the kids, and an equitable division of our stuff.

Totally normal. The first step of the process is usually to ask for the world.

Doesn't she remember going over our bleak looking finances 1.5 months ago and setting up a budget? We have a lot of debt....not sure where she thinks all this money is going to magically appear from.

Stop for a second….. do you think that she is worried about where YOU are going to have to come up with the money for this? Once you have started the D process, IMO, you need to treat it as a business deal. Terms like “us”, “we”, “she should understand”…do not apply. She is going to do what SHE feels she needs to do. You will need to do the same.

Part of me wonders if the agreement isn't to my liking whether I should go with it anyway as it would speed up the process of us having space. I don't think there is a chance of R right now, with our current living arrangements, and the constant tension between the two of us.

I will warn you now…. Agreeing to something that YOU truly do not agree with under an EXPECTATION that X or Y will happen is a bad way to go about this. If you agree – expect nothing. Do not expect that agreeing to all of her request are going to translate into her seeing that you are wonderful guy.


Peace,
Eric