I am thinking that you should compliment her once a day for something she does in the house...Thanks for working so hard, Thanks for making dinner, etc....Especially compliment her for something you don't think she did the best in the world. That said, don't compliment her on how she looks or interacts with you....Look for compliments based on things she does, not on her specifically.
Very good advice. I read an interesting article on this point….. For any R to last, daily “complimenting” for the ACTIONS the person does is KEY. Barrybran, I would highly suggest that you try this. I would not go overboard either. A simple thank you for XXX, it was appreciated it…is enough.
Originally Posted By: BarryBran
yes, I'm up for an experiment but I honestly don't feel as though I'm ready in terms of personal growth.
What exactly is personal growth for YOU BarryBran? Mach gave you some very good insight….. things to ask yourself. It appears that you are focus more on doing things that YOU think YOUR W wants you to do/change more so that things that YOU YOURSELF want to change. IMO, until you really figure out HOW to make changes FOR YOURSELF….you are not going to feel the way that you want to feel.
Quote:
Honeslty, I don't know who I want to be or where my focus should lie so I've focused on the things my wife has told me she doesn't like.
Stop for a sec and ask yourself this question……..
Would you want to be with someone who does not know who they want to be?
Originally Posted By: Barrybran
I don't really know what to make of it all at the moment. They're her feelings, she's very clear about them, she's giving me a road map to follow yet I don't know where it leads, and yet I keep stuffing this up. I seem to get it and not all at the same time.
You seem to be spending more time worrying about what SHE FEELS than working on HOW to get YOURSELF to FEEL the way YOU want to FEEL.
IMO, I can see you are trying Barry. Trying really hard. Maybe that is the issue. You are trying to undo your past mistakes. You are trying to make sure you validate and listen to your wife. You are trying to become a better for parent FOR your kids.
The one thing I do not see enough of….is YOU trying to be BARRY. Just Barry. Not the Barry that everyone including your W and your kids what to see.
The ripping apart of oneself and the work to figure out “who I want to be when I grow up”….is f*cking tough. It is a process. There is not right or wrong answer Barry. The answer is in you. The answer really is….who does Barry want to be……when no one is around…..regardless of other actions…..the Barry that will feel good about himself….
Keep digging brother…
Take a look at Mach’s questions…. Think about them….focus on them.
You have some of the best people I know posting to you. Listen to them.
Go read LFW’s old post.
I believe you can do it dude. It really takes one step.
Choice.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
