Hope and lots of it.

[lost18]

I feel like you are waiting for somebody to tell you that you're right. Which you are not, but even if you were there is that old saying "do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy." I only know the little bit I read, but it seems like you want control more than the M. You really need to take a hard look at yourself and your M and figure out what you really want, if you want to continue drinking excessively and hanging out in strip clubs than you should let your wife go. Why make this harder on her and the kids if all of your changes are fake. I get the sense that if you get your marriage back you will revert back to your old ways and will end up in the same situation anyway. The changes should be for you, not simply to get your wife back.