I couldn't detach while living with W in the same roof, it was a roller coaster one minute I'm doing fine one minute I'm depress. Issues of trust and anger and hurt feelings were always feels raw. I had to remove myself from that sitch, I need to heal.
Very sorry to hear things weren't working out, but it sounds like you're doing what is best for you and even though I'm sure you'll struggle for a while, once you adjust to your "new normal" I think you'll be feeling a lot better about it!
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I think to myself, how could she betray me and the kids. I'm just being honest I feel those but I recognize It's negative and I have to forgive.
Most WAS's walk because their perception is that THEY were betrayed by the LBS. Going back to one of your first posts you stated this:
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Our lives have been hectic, kids, work, money you know the usual reality of life. W dropped the bomb last year as I mentioned in my first post. She had complaints about our relationship but stupid me didn't pay attention. Her complaints was we became distant, didn't do dating like couple would do, I didn't have time for her, didn't talk to her, what else? That's all I remember for now. I really didn't think these were a big deal until the bomb. Oh and she told me I wasn't really a good father.
Whether the above is true or not, it is her perception and to her that's all that matters. So her perception is that you were a poor husband and father, that you betrayed the marriage contract. I'm not telling you this to guilt trip you, it is to help you realize that there are two views to your sitch- yours and hers. You each see your own view quite clearly but do not see the other person's view well (if at all). And thus resentment and anger builds up. If you realize that she is hurting just as much as you, and that she feels just as wronged as you do, then perhaps you can eventually replace the resentment with compassion. When we can have compassion towards our WAS then it makes it easier for us to address our own wrongs and also to build a bridge to them that at a minimum helps with co-parenting but also may lead towards a future reconciliation.
