LFW has some great ideas - I really like the idea of switching off for S5's Weds night practices, and turning Saturdays into family days instead of Sundays. I also am not a fan of H's visits at your house. He is still living with his parents, right? Can't he bring them there to hang out with them?
I thought of you today when I was at my court mandated parenting class. It was said that kids under about 2.5 should not have overnights with the non-residential parent. (Lots of time during the day and evening is great, of course.) I know your S1 doesn't have that now, just thought it was an interesting tidbit.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Just stopping by 3B...to say that from what I have been reading....
You are doing really well!
FWIW - proud of ya!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Just hanging in and trying to keep up my boundaries. We did not make any decisions about changes to the schedule. H is going out of town with S5 and S3 for a week starting Friday, so I figured I would wait until they get back to discuss.
I am trying to keep all conversations limited to kids/business. I have been doing well. H is definitely trying to push it a bit. I wrote him about a school conference for S5 last night. He emailed back about that and asked how the kids were doing. I responded about the kids. He then wrote back and got into stuff about his job, long hours etc. I did not respond. This morning he did the same thing.
Um...I don't want to talk about anything except the kids/finances. Also, of all the things in the world you could discuss, you choose to talk about work...where OW also works...Yeah, I really have no interest in knowing that you have been working long hours because then I start to wonder if OW was there.
Things have been going pretty well considering. I stayed up late last night coloring pictures to put in S5 and S3's luggage. S5 made me pictures to open each day while I was on my business trip so I wanted to do the same for the boys. H's birthday is this weekend. I packed a gift for the kids to give H.
H come to family day on Sunday with a gift card for me to get a spa while the boys were on vacation with it. It was a nice gesture.
Starting to think that I just may be okay even if we don't R. It helps that I have a bunch of fun stuff planned next week to take my mind off the big boys being gone.
H sent an email last night to his family and included me sharing a video of himself and my SIL when they were little. In this email he asked me to share it with the boys.
He then sends a second email apologizing for the first email. He said that based upon our boundary conversation he should not have sent it and that he should not share with me unless necessary. He said that he would work hard to limit communication but it is not natural.
Okay...no idea how to even respond or even whether a response is necessary. There are so days that I just hate this. Who wants to wake up to these types of emails?? Yuck...but the sun is shining and it is my last day with the kiddos before they leave on vacation so I am not going to let it affect my day.
Okay...no idea how to even respond or even whether a response is necessary.
If your boundary is to limit communication to only finances and the kids, then I would not respond. Often times, people will test your boundaries…this may or may not be the case, either way, the boundary that you set was for YOU not him.
Originally Posted By: 3boyzmom
There are so days that I just hate this. Who wants to wake up to these types of emails??
Yep it [censored]! Sorry you are going through this.
Originally Posted By: 3boyzmom
but the sun is shining and it is my last day with the kiddos before they leave on vacation so I am not going to let it affect my day.
Good ‘tude to have! Enjoy the kiddos and the sun! Live in the moment….enjoy the day with the kids.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I agree, 3-No reponse...but it will be hard. These boundaries will be better for you and tough at the same time.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hi Everyone. I am hanging in there. I have definitely been on my own roller coaster this past week.
I did not respond to my H's emails last week. However, he called me at work to discuss logistics about the kids and their vacation. He then tried to talk about his emails. I tried to avoid the comments about talking/not talking. He was definitely trying to keep me on the sidelines until he has made a final decision.
We also talked about Easter. I had been invited to his family's Easter event. I told H that I was not attending. H said that he wants to tell his extended family in advance so that he does not have to discuss in person, which I understand. Yet, what he said he wants to tell his family is a load of sh**. If he cant take ownership of our S with me, then of course he cant take ownership with others. He told me that he was going to write an email and send it to me first. It has been a week and he has not sent anything. I am fully aware that I cant control what H tells others. I also know that he is going to spin a story to make himself look good. However, I will have no part in it.
H, S5 and S3 left on their vacation this past Friday. They are having a blast despite the fact that S5 had a stomach bug/fever for a couple days. I have learned that I will be okay even if I don't get to see them for a week straight. I have taken advantage of getting to spend alone time with S1. The older boys are so demanding that I get very little time with S1 normally. He is quite amazing I had an amazing jam packed weekend. I spent Saturday with my mom and SIL shopping. SIL is expecting in September and we bought a ton of things for her nursery and set up her baby registry. Retail therapy is awesome, especially when you are not spending your own money
On Sunday, I drove around some neighboring communities to see if I would want to move assuming in the event of D. I just wanted to see what else was out there. I am pretty sure that I want to stay in our current home if it is possible. Sunday afternoon I went to the spa with my mom to get massages since she has some unused gift cards. We have not spent a lot of time alone together recently, so it was really nice.
I had kept myself so busy the past couple weeks, that I just hit an emotional wall on Monday. I was a mess. I seriously have not cried so hard in months. H and his family were posting pics all over FB. It was completely obvious that I was not in attendance. No one seems to notice or care that it would be hurtful to me and/or peek interest in others who do not know about our S (only a handful of people know). I got a few emails/texts from people asking about the vacation and if I was there. It killed me that I am no longer part of H's family. They were my family for 15 years. And then H decided he no longer wanted me in his life, pretty much threw me away and replaced me. And I lost my H and BF and his family. I am always so careful not to hurt others, so it is hard when others don't do the same. I understand that it is their vacation and they want to be excited and I don't expect them to worry about my feelings forever, but I thought that maybe they would be considerate this one time. Nope. It also did not help that H's birthday was on Sunday and it was the first time since he turned 19 that I did not celebrate with him. Yuck.
I am doing better today. I know that I am going to be okay. I know that I need this hard days to keep moving forward on this journey. Nothing worth having comes easy, right?
I am meeting one of my BFF tonight for dinner. She recently separated from her H (due to his addiction issues). She is struggling. Even though I hate that she is in such pain, it is nice to have someone in real life that knows just how hard this journey is.
In less than a month, H will be moving into his new place. And I know that I need to separate even further from him to protect my heart. The half in/half out thing is just too hard. Going to spend the next couple days/weeks trying to figure out exactly what I want.
