The last 7+ years of my life has been the craziest rollercoster. Just when I thought I was getting off this ride there were still a few twists and turns left for me...
I've now been "hanging out" again with my XH for 6 or 7 months and so far things have been pretty nice. It took me a little while figure out that we weren't going to have an instant relationship again...not sure I wanted that anyway. I guess I've learned to just appreciate the moments and to keep my expectations low...and somewhere along the way my XH and I seem to have reconnected. He says he's happy and talks long term but there has been no talk of remarriage. The thought of it frightens me anyway. So for now I'm trying to appreciate what each day brings and let go of all the pain from the past. My XH has been becoming more kind, caring and generous as each day passes. I do finally feel that we are "back together" and, in the very little R talk we've had, he has confirmed he feels the same way. As Job had said, you'll know when it is a real reconnection and I do believe this is it.
He's continuing to grow, change and become--but so are you, Upside. You two are coming together as time goes on, getting to know each other again, and that can only be a good thing.
I've come by from time to time, hunted up your threads to see how you were, and hoped things were going all right for you.
The situation looks really good, Upside.
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I still have a few trust issue but now, for the most part, I trust myself and know this relationship for as long as it lasts is a bonus to my life. I've learned to count my blessing today since there is no guarantee they'll be there tomorrow...remarriage won't even guarantee it.
Time will help with some of your trust issues, as time heals all wounds. However, transparency on his part, and continued consistency in his behavior toward you will go a long way toward restoring your broken trust.
Like you said, what's more important is that you trust yourself, and you've learned to focus on what's here and now, with the understanding that the future will take care of itself.
You've come a long way, and so has your husband.
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I will try to continue to appreciate the mutual respect and caring that my XH and I have found for each other again and try not to lose sight of all the lessons I have learned throughout this journey. I will always thankful for all the sage advice I got from this board when I needed it the most.
You'll find it's the little things that matter the most, and these little things will lead into the bigger things that will surely come in time.
You two are starting over within a time of a new beginning--just take it one step at a time, one day at a time--you'll be fine.
Forging a new connection that eventually leads into a renewal, rebuilding, and eventually into reconciliation really does start out with what seems to be the smallest of things, but little by little, each effort becomes a major building block that helps build into a more solid relationship in the future.
We all have to start somewhere, we learn to take a chance, because, hey, if we don't, we will never know what could be.
I think everything will be just fine. I was very glad to read your update.
Blessings to both you and your husband--may your future be a bright one.
