tld, i'm in the same boat. spouse refuses to talk to me and has built a huge wall or interact unless forced to for kids. I hate to admit I was the crazy one, but I now know what I caused. keep your chin up because job, mrbond, and others are really helping me understand by their posts. I'm praying for my own growth along with you and others and it does help me find peace to my heart.
W-37 Me-37 M-16yrs & 5days W "Done" Day = Valentine Day 2014 D-8/13/2014 S16 S13 S11 D8
H will make small talk with me, but no hugs, no kisses, no physical contact. He will do family things. I keep hearing Ilybnilwy and I'm going to divorce you. I cannot seem to break down the fortress he has. Unfortunately once he files I can't do anything because of the state I live in..ugh. Anyhow, it is only a piece of paper and we have kids together so there will always be a relationship. I can't give up yet, stupid huh. And since I found the sight 4 months in, I have made every error.
He makes small talk. He is just cold with affection and no physical contact no hugs, no kisses, no holding hands. I can't seem to break thru to him. He is now saying his room and my room since we have been in separate rooms for awhile. He is so much into ow who he only calls bff, that he can't see past her. He seems determined to file when his work thong is figured out. It is just a stupid paper.
All I can do is keep trying. I put a smile on and am happy. I am doing more and more each day with girls, and it drives him crazy to know we had fun without him and he did not know our plan. I did not intend for that to happen. Just wanted to have fun.
H was playing husband for ow again. Doing yard work before his work...ugh. I want to smack him. Looking at it, it us obvious he is pursuing her. I feel like I have no chance until she is gone. Which will be hard since he says they are only friends.
I don't know how to detach when he does things like this. He tried to beat me home so I wouldn't know, but did not quite make it.
Please give me ideas of how you ignored ow/om especially when thrown in your face?
You can't break down his fortress because you didn't help to build it. The only thing you can do is leave him alone and allow him to figure things out. You are doing the right thing by doing fun things w/your children. If he gets angry, so what. He's the one that has put himself in the gilded cage and doesn't want anything much to do w/you and/or the family.
Stop trying to thaw his heart and soul out. The more you try, the more he's going to run the other way and yes, he'll be even more determined about his justification for a divorce. Give him plenty of space, enough to choke on. He needs to grow up on his own w/o your interference. The more you try, the longer his crisis will take because he's then focusing on you and how to get away from you. You want him to focus on himself and get through his crisis in one piece.
You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix, control or cure what ails him. Leave him alone to figure things out. You have far more important things to do right now and they are focusing on your and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I thought giving him extra attention would be the key BC he says I abandoned him for ten years. which I know is pure bunk, but it is way he feels. This whole thing is so dam hard.
Any suggestions on how to ow? H spends more time with ow than our family - they work together, carpool, and hang out before and after work. Grrr. The worst is work finds out he will be fired. It is hard to detach and ignore this. Help???
Dummie said dumbest thing yet. You are the nicest person and a great mom, but everything is your fault so I have to divorce you. His delusional land makes my head hurt...ugh
When he starts saying something like that, hold up your hand to stop him and tell him that his comment is extremely rude and disrespectful and that you accepted your role in your M problems and apologized for them, and that you will not be the scapegoat for his bad behavior. Also tell him that you will not tolerate being talked down to any more and his abuse which will be noted.
Then walk away whistling. There are times when you have to throw out a truth dart every now and then. Show him that he can't walk all over you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
