update, while cleaning out the garage and moving a lot of tools into storage for my dad she started getting upset with me... then i got upset with her... then it became.. come on lets get back together... why why not.. etc.... begging and pleading...
i got told very specifically that even if i win the nobel prize she would never come back. i told her that i had been going to counseling and aa just for her.. how awesome she is etc.. she told me she doesnt really hate me.. that she likes me.. she just cant trust me anymore.. and doesnt want the marriage.. that shes had friends whos husbands had just moved on and theyre doing just fine...
(funny how ive never heard of these friends and have no idea who they are, as none of our mutual friends are in marriages.. and most of her friends cannot even hold down a relationship at all)
so... yesterday i finished moving stuff out of the garage.. we had dinner together with the kids... it all went smoothly.
i was feeling pretty shitty and ended up making an appointment to see a psychologist/therapist/counselor. did a mental health evaluation last night. and then i have the kids for the rest of the weekend.
i dont really know what to do at this point... im supposed to be giving her space but also working on improving the relationship. i want to be really nice to her... but i also want to be really mean at the same time. im still hurt and angry.. but i have actually changed my perspective on things a lot. im supposed to let go..
i dont know how to just let go.. i want to believe that if i do something different or try harder or say the right thing.. that the right thing will happen.. but i seem to be doing nothing right..
im at the point and i shared this with a few other people. that.. I'm not all that interested in changing anything if it doesnt net me the results i want.. like if i eat right and go to the gym.. ill see physical results that i want.. with this relationship/reconciliation.. i may never see the results i want. im just supposed to accept things and detach.
