I think the fact that I didn't beg or plead for him to come back to me and the fact that I focused on how busy son and I have been keeping ourselves...spurred him to be interested.
Thanks to all who posted today. I am getting some balance back in my life. Thanks! Gotta run am gonna check out computers online.
Along with what you mentioned, I think that the overall indication that..
I am getting some balance back in my life
worked wonders!!
Keep this up! The more that you do for you, the more that you can add to each other's lives, the better your chances are of having a happy, wonderful, and fulfilling relationship together!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Quote: I think the fact that I didn't beg or plead for him to come back to me and the fact that I focused on how busy son and I have been keeping ourselves...spurred him to be interested. Great! Now maybe only once a week or so give him updates let his email go unanswered a few days let him wonder about whats got u so busy
Thanks to all who posted today. Thats what we're here for we got to help others so we don't obsess on our sitches I am getting some balance back in my life.
Thanks! Gotta run am gonna check out computers online.
Went to counseling appointment today. Counselor says he will do solution based therapy with me! Says H sounds very controlling, so we need to look at that a bit. It's true...He said getting a life is exactly what I need to do...and that the measures I have been taking thanks to DB and DR sound wonderful...he also says he will help me stick to them...we are going to work on goals on next session....for our therapy..and for my marriage and for me...I have to have them ready by the 27th when I see him again...for now he says keep doing what I am doing...he did suggest that since H had called me ..it was the polite thing to return his call, as I had been out.
So, when I got home, I beeped H and said, "I emailed you to let you know what I am doing about the computer. I am home now, so you can call back if you want. Otherwise, you'll see my emails tomorrow morning when you go into your shop. Talk to you soon."
That is also a 180 for me. I usually use every excuse to call h or to get h to call me that I can get my hands on...instead I just beeped him and actually made it easy for him NOT to call me by having emailed him the information he needed already...and letting him know that I had done so...
Why? I want him to realize that perhaps he's not the only one that may need some space. I won't push it too far, but I am feeling like this is good...I need to take care of my son and myself and I need to learn how to be alone with my son...in case that ends up being the reality of my life...I'm not good at it, so practicing a little independence and loving detachment will be good for me.
My PMA is getting better and better day by day.
I hope to be able to start posting at others' sitches again soon and helping other folks...I've been such a mess I couldn't really see passed my own sitch of late...
But I am slowly but surely climbing out of my hole and back into the light...and it sure feels good to be getting back to my old self...and to be finding an even better new self..I thought I had found a new self before, but that was a temporary change....these changes I make now are going to be for REAL and permanent ....gosh it feels good to acknowledge that.
My Funny Little Valentine is 12 Years Old. He is my son. He loves me unconditionally and I love him the same way. I am fortunate to have such a sweet guy in my life.
At his parent teacher conference on Friday, one of his teacher's said that he is one of the kindest students that she has ever known. It almost made me cry. You can't teach a child to be that kind...it is his nature. I am blessed.
She said he has chosen to befriend a very smart, but very troubled child that others pick on at school. She said she just loves him for his sweetness. I was so touched.
She said that he often asks this child to be his partner for projects, as others will not work with this child. He never lowers his own academic standards for this kid, but rather makes this boy rise to his standards and work to a level that the boy is really capable of achieving.
Wow. It made me very eager to overlook the few assignments that my son had forgotten to turn in, of course I had to address those...but I didn't give him the usual heck that I would have...I was too touched by the Language Arts Teacher's talk on his compassion. My son is in the gifted and talented program, so when he slacks off, I get pretty bent out of shape...he is so capable of achieving great grades..when he doesn't I am all over him!
This Friday, I just praised him for being kind and told him how really nice I thought that was and how important it was to me and then asked him to please take care of turning in his missing assignments and making up a test that he needed to make up. He said he would.
He also said..well, you messed up recently (my relapse with alcohol) and so did I...(his missing homework and missing a test) let's both just do better, ok, mom?
Out of the mouths of babes...
H never did call back. That's ok. I have done my part. I returned his communication and let him know that I am working on looking for a computer. I do not intend to contact him again, unless he contacts me first.
This coming week I plan to work on the book. I am so glad that it is a less depressing subject, actually I am really psyched about it. I have already begun researching and gone to the library to get some books.
I am scheduling another bible study meeting with my friend J for this week on Thursday and plan to take my son out to eat on Wednesday. Also am having a friend over for dinner Friday night. Will make a few AA meetings and have to write some goals for my counseling sessions. Get to go to the gym tomorrow and Monday then free membership is over.
Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Came at a good time, son had four day weekend and got to enjoy it with me. He is looking forward to going tomorrow for a while.
We are going to go from about 1:30 until 4:30 tomorrow. I am going to the noon AA meeting, if I can find a ride into town, so after I get back we will cab it to the gym. It's pretty close to home.
Then, son is going to spend the night with a friend and I am going to church from 5-8. We have singing and worship, break with drinks and snacks, bible study, then potluck dinner and fellowship. It is very nice. Son usually comes with me, but he has plans.
Monday, will spend day with son. Take him to gym. Cook lunch and dinner together. Maybe watch some television. Should be a nice lazy day.
Monday night...Go to town for an AA meeting. Get to bed early and get ready to start school week on Tuesday...get back up at 7 am.
Have been sleeping in until 8 and 9 the last few days...feel spoiled!
Tuesday, I will begin seriously writing the first chapter of the book. I have been reading research materials the last few days. I will be doing some more reading tonight and next few days.
I can't wait to really get started. This is going to be my best project, yet!
I am raring to go.
Wed..dinner with son, Thurs..bible study, Friday, dinner with Friend, Saturday, no plans yet,maybe sleepover friend for son, Sunday church, Monday, AA in evening, Tuesday dentist and H will be coming back to town already...Wednesday ..take son out to dinner..Thursday bible study, Friday counseling, repeat as needed...LOLOLOLOl
Who says I can't fill my days and evenings? I can! I can! Add to that schedule above researching, reading, and writing about the Pueblos and I will be one busy woman...woooohoooo...
