You can't break down his fortress because you didn't help to build it. The only thing you can do is leave him alone and allow him to figure things out. You are doing the right thing by doing fun things w/your children. If he gets angry, so what. He's the one that has put himself in the gilded cage and doesn't want anything much to do w/you and/or the family.
Stop trying to thaw his heart and soul out. The more you try, the more he's going to run the other way and yes, he'll be even more determined about his justification for a divorce. Give him plenty of space, enough to choke on. He needs to grow up on his own w/o your interference. The more you try, the longer his crisis will take because he's then focusing on you and how to get away from you. You want him to focus on himself and get through his crisis in one piece.
You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix, control or cure what ails him. Leave him alone to figure things out. You have far more important things to do right now and they are focusing on your and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
