Oh, that makes my heart sink. The first counselor was a bit strange, but afterward my wife did say she felt more optimistic about our marriage. Guess I better check out the DR/DB and quick.
The situation is generally she is blaming me for the trouble she has had in her life over the course of our marriage, her struggle with mental illness, what she perceives as a poor relationship with our kids. Its quite a laundry list at this point. I have more or less accepted the marriage is over but of course I still cling to some hope. I feel the right counselor could help but I do know it hasn't helped others. The reality is as I see it, she is ok with MC because she is either looking for validation that she is right and isn't responsible for the failure so then she can walk away guilt free and perhaps a more compliant me or perhaps she really is a "maybe". I am in counseling myself with someone I really like, he has helped me see things differently when I have been so down. I can't help but think a decent MC will help balance the conversation, especially now that I realize many of our problems are equally hers and I am not afraid anymore of saying it for fear of loss. Its just taken me weeks to clear my head and push through the hurt I have been dealt. Perhaps the MC will help, perhaps not, but I won't let her walk away without taking some responsibility. It almost [censored] that in my heart I am so available for her still, it has been giving me anxiety which is difficult to cope with. We have the appointment next week and as far as I know we are going. My counselor said he has heard really good things about the MC and I trust him on this. She has asked for some time do it and subscribes to therapy and counseling as a mean of resolving issues. I am feeling like pulling back now might be bad but I guess I could push out another week. For now, sticking to the rules, minimum contact. In any case I will let you all know what happens. Thanks for being there.
Me:45 H:40 D:12 S:10 Together 16 years Married 13 years
