Got OFF limbo after 3 yrs

[newman7977]

Fast forward to the last weekend. I was busy moving, I feel like I'm sleeping at a hotel, I miss my home but I had to do this for my sanity.

I couldn't detach while living with W in the same roof, it was a roller coaster one minute I'm doing fine one minute I'm depress. Issues of trust and anger and hurt feelings were always feels raw. I had to remove myself from that sitch, I need to heal.

I don't see in the phone records of any contact with OM, but I don't believe it. I notice she carries her laptop all over the house, this is new behavior of hers the last 6months. I didn't have the energy to snoop anymore and I'm pretty much done.

I accepted that this separation will push her to OM. Of course I rather she don't get together with OM, but I have no control of that. If this is how she really wants in her life then it's her choice, the cage is open. Anyway that's her journey.

It's been a few days living single dad and I feel better in a sense that there are some sense of closure. I still miss my W, but she assured me she has no feelings for me...I have to accept that.

Her eyes were puffy, I can tell she's been crying the last few days, it hurts me to see her suffer not having the kids all the time, but my kids need me too, it is best that we have 50/50 custody.

I still want my family back, but I'm moving forward and not looking back. If she wants to join me in this journey I will welcome her but if not, I know I will be ok.

Of note, when we were signing the separation agreement 2 weeks ago, she showed me the D papers. It was filed last summer but she couldn't give it to me because she felt really bad for the kids. I have not signed it so it's not final and I told her that at a minimum, I'll schedule a mediator before signing it.

So here we are separated. I have my own room at my mom's house I figured in about 6-12 months I'll get my own house just need to save up.

How do I feel? Not too bad actually, but I'm working on some negative emotions. The pain is still there, there some sadness. I have anger and resentments when I see her, I think to myself, how could she betray me and the kids. I'm just being honest I feel those but I recognize It's negative and I have to forgive.

But overall, I feel ok. It feels like there's finally a direction in my life. I look forward to getting my own house and to continue to be there for my kids.

Thanks for reading.