Went to counseling appointment today. Counselor says he will do solution based therapy with me! Says H sounds very controlling, so we need to look at that a bit. It's true...He said getting a life is exactly what I need to do...and that the measures I have been taking thanks to DB and DR sound wonderful...he also says he will help me stick to them...we are going to work on goals on next session....for our therapy..and for my marriage and for me...I have to have them ready by the 27th when I see him again...for now he says keep doing what I am doing...he did suggest that since H had called me ..it was the polite thing to return his call, as I had been out.
So, when I got home, I beeped H and said, "I emailed you to let you know what I am doing about the computer. I am home now, so you can call back if you want. Otherwise, you'll see my emails tomorrow morning when you go into your shop. Talk to you soon."
That is also a 180 for me. I usually use every excuse to call h or to get h to call me that I can get my hands on...instead I just beeped him and actually made it easy for him NOT to call me by having emailed him the information he needed already...and letting him know that I had done so...
Why? I want him to realize that perhaps he's not the only one that may need some space. I won't push it too far, but I am feeling like this is good...I need to take care of my son and myself and I need to learn how to be alone with my son...in case that ends up being the reality of my life...I'm not good at it, so practicing a little independence and loving detachment will be good for me.
My PMA is getting better and better day by day.
I hope to be able to start posting at others' sitches again soon and helping other folks...I've been such a mess I couldn't really see passed my own sitch of late...
But I am slowly but surely climbing out of my hole and back into the light...and it sure feels good to be getting back to my old self...and to be finding an even better new self..I thought I had found a new self before, but that was a temporary change....these changes I make now are going to be for REAL and permanent ....gosh it feels good to acknowledge that.
