I guess I just wanted to call and keep it light...wish him a happy valentine's day and let him know that son and I have had a good week. Tell him how busy we have been..gone out to dinner, been going to gym on free membership, going to AA, gone to counseling, got book deal, going to V-day dance, etc... You see, he isn't here to see any of this stuff...so he does notice I am NOT calling or emailing, but he doesn't know what is going on... But I guess I can skip calling him... it's just hard to not even call him on Valentine's Day...and I'm not so sure that is really a good idea...he is pretty mushy deep down and is very jealous and sometimes quite insecure...so I thought calling to just say hey happy valentine's day with no I love you's...might just be a good in between thing...
Anyway, just got back from the gym...am going to an AA meeting in a few minutes...tonight am taking son swimming at the gym to take advantage of free week membership...we are going to look into the hours at the high school pool ...much cheaper than joining the gym...no sauna, but so what...it's in our price range...CHEAP....
totite...im me if you see me online...
Hugs to all for keeping me in line....I know I need to really toe a strict line here...it's just so darn hard...
I'm with you on how hard it is to not contact h. But learning to NOT call my h has lead to more contact...by him!
so take heed of my situation and do likewise. Back way off, no pressure. He's thinking of you all the time! He'll notice the new you when he gets back.
Remember this time is training time. Get the no contact under your belt while he's gone. then you can get that down and move on to the next goal.
1. Treat H like friend. Win back H by winning back friendship first. 2. Do not call H at work. Give H space...stop pursuit, get h to call me. 3. Go to AA. Stay sober. 4. Go to counseling this Friday. work on own issues and ask if counselor knows how to facilitate solution based therapy. 5. Go to church. keep conscious contact with God and keep social contact with healthy religious folks. 6. Go to bible study. keep conscious contact with God and keep social contact with healthy religious folks. 7. Make arrangements to go to treatment. stay sober work on deeper issues relapse prevention 8. Continue to take meds. keep chemical imbalance at bay 9. Continue to take care of self and son. feel better about self and have fun with son 10. Work on Writing. feel better about self, focus on something other than H, make money
As a result of sticking to all of these goals, my husband will return home by no later than May. We will begin to see changes for the better in our relationship and I will not backslide again. I will work on keeping love alive rather than fall back into the danger zone that I am in now. We will not get a dissolutionment. We will not get a divorce.
I would say, if you must contact him zip off a friendly email letting him know you are thinking about him and that you've had a busy productive week. Keep it light and positive in tone and don't let it sound like you are chasing him...just be matter of fact, rather chatty cathy....ask how his week is going or say that you hope his week is going well...and then do not end with i love you...just end it...with your name...and take care or something like that.
This is the email that I sent to my H today...I think in some ways it was a good thing and then in other ways not so good...it may dissuade him from calling cause now he knows what I have been doing all week, but then again...he may be very surprised that I have been getting out of bed every morning and getting out of the house as I was clinically depressed not more than two weeks ago...he would have had no way of knowing this if I hadn't emailed him...so, I don't know...it was better than calling him and I don't think it sounds like I am chasing him...I think it does sound a bit flirty in one spot...but mainly light and chatty...
P,
Got the downstairs pretty much done. Will try to organize the furnace room.
Boy was that a good shaker the other day!
Got the book title changed. Am not doing Teens and Drunk Driving, which is cool cause it was a bit depressing. Am doing The Pueblo Indians for $2,500. Just found out yesterday...
Won't call you on V-day after all, but know I am thinking about you...figured I will just give you the space you want instead of telephoning you.
I sort of doubt we will go to the dance...too many 13th steppers to deal with. The only way we are going to go is if L and her son really want to go, then we might go with them cause that way we could all just hang out and dance and sit together. We could fend off the sober 13th stepper ( guys who hit on you are called 13th steppers) goof balls as a unit...ha ha. L has had problems, too. It's disgusting, really. Nothing to worry about, believe me. If you have ever looked at these guys, babe....you'd know. You are far better looking than any of them. I wouldn't trade you for any of them. Anyway, enough of that.
Dinner was nice, but we did end up having to pay for it...which wasn't too bad. It was locals' night. $20 covered D's dinner and mine and the tip. I had beef stroganoff, D had scallops wrapped in bacon with a bernaisse sauce on them called Coquilles St. Augustine and a bread basket. It was a nice night out with the church group. S was 74 years old! He looks amazing for his age.
Had bible study here today with J after going in for Noon AA meeting. Been busy all week. Had a free membership to the K B Gym. Went with L. We took the boys to school every morning this week so far and then hit the gym afterwards, it's been a blast. Too bad it is soooo expensive. Oh well, it was fun for free! I still have a few days left. Am taking D swimming tonight for just the cost of cab fare...it's a good deal..will get us out and exercising....off our butts!
Counseling appointment tomorrow. Also D's parent teacher conference.
Guess what? The email actually worked well! I went to the parent teacher conference and when I got home there was a message on my machine from my H! He said he was wondering if I had checked out the computers online yet and if I had picked one out... LOL...He's curious because I have been so busy! I am doing things differently and it is working...so I am going to quit beating myself up for that email! Right on! Now, I have to continue not calling him and keeping the contact through email to a very minimum. He is hundreds of miles away so a little contact to let him know we are doing well without him is probably ...no definitely good...this just proved it!
And thanks for visiting my thread. Did you see my recommendation for a book called The Road Less Travelled? By M.Scott Peck. Do read it if you can, it really has some thought provoking stuff in it.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I'm so glad that your email got a positive response! That's great! I know how scary it can be with doing some of these things that could go either way, but sometimes I guess you have to take a chance, right?!
What do you think that there was, in general, about what you wrote that helped you to get a positive response? How was this one different from others that you may have written that haven't worked quite as well?
This is great! Now, be careful you don't overdo it. He probably doesn't need to hear about everything that you do, everyday. So, fight off the temptation to write to him very often. Make sure that he has a chance to be the one to write to you first, too.
He is hundreds of miles away so a little contact to let him know we are doing well without him is probably ...no definitely good...this just proved it!
Yes, good!!
JJ
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