Update

[hoper]

Hello,

Well i had drawn a boundary which H with his convincing sweet talk and behavior managed to erase..

Until now he has managed to visit OW on week days on business trips to her city.. Though he never mentioned it and i haven't snooped ..its something i "know"

He bombed me saying OW sister is getting engaged and her brother who is H's client has invited him for the party on the week end..

Though i was aware that we were far from piecing he really had not been flinging ow in my face.. so kinda bombed again..

H has been very rational in the last 6 months.. processed a family crisis ..accepted it and took responsibility though could have handled it better..SO it really hurt ..

But i decided to go ahead and have the R talk..

I told him H .. I feel humiliated .. It seems to me just because you can .. You do.. Right now i feel powerless when i should not..
he replies What are you trying to say ? Please be clear ( his usual tactic to cover himself just in case he has misunderstood the OW inference)

I tell him i think you do and then specify him going to OW sis engagement on a weekend .. i proceed to tell him that you have been giving me mixed signals as you have initiated LM in the last 7 months .

he tells me he does not need to justify his going .. though he has explained the business relations with OW 's brother ..If in the past just being cordial to me and my folks has given me the wrong signals then he is sorry about it (GAG)

He continues that regarding LM he assumed i too wanted it as i used to initiate ( this was prior to DB) .. he does not acknowledge that i have stopped initiating for over a year ..
He finally says we are together because we both don't have a choice ..Both of us cant afford a separation at this point .. so its better we stop interfering in each other 's lives..
He hopes he has clarified his action suitably ..

I reply that this did not make me feel less humiliated as we ml for and then u say i am sorry u misunderstood .. whether he remotely understands what i as a human being can go through

(yup i really jumped off the DB train out here)

I also mention that one fine day u can afford it so you will.. what's all supposed to mean to our S..( I know ..I know..guys using S in our talk completely wrong )

He replies that it was just a physical need and he is genuinely sorry if i found this humiliating ...

I goad him a bit more and then he gives me the classic MLC line..
Whenever he is strong enough to formalize the separation he will(financially and due to S being small stops him right now) be it 1 yr or 5 yrs or 10 yrs .. he ends with that if he dies before that then my issue will be resolved..

So here we are..in my attempt to snatch the cake from his mouth i inadvertently started the R talk ..

he has declared many things in this talk .. just like in the past ..most of which he has never been able to enforce..
though this bomb was not completely unexpected it hurts but boy did i bounce back ..i feel strong and in control though my words to him did not..
i wanted to communicate my hope which i did..

surprisingly we slipped quite easily into a friendly and a cordial mode ..landed up having a coffee and a lunch date ..(his guilt acting up) i accepted as it was mainly circumstantial..
have gone back to my DB ways..

this time around i am not faking my calmness and when i look happy i feel it too..