Wants to leave again after a month!!!

[DFE]

So I spoke too soon. I felt really good yesterday but the anxiety came back today. I am not pursuing anymore. I am trying to let go but I find myself on this forum reading the posts. Then my mind starts to wander and for a split second I grab onto hope that our marriage could be reborn. I'm wondering maybe I need to just stay off the site and out all thoughts of this M out of my head. It's been 9 years of this R. Enough is enough. Why can't I believe that he doesn't want to stay in this family? What's wrong with me? I never thought I would let anyone trample over me like he has and then I go back for more? Everyone thinks I, such a strong woman. Boy would they be shocked to know I'm crumbling.

[DFE]

I guess one way to tell I haven't detached is every comment he makes about the D gives me anxiety. I hope to get to a place where it no longer effects my mood. He is so casual and friendly about it. Talks to me as he would a friend or a neighbor. Why is it so hard for me to do the same and get out of this with whatever dignity I have left if any.

[DFE]

Did I say something wrong? I think I've unleashed a dragon. H sent me an email asking what happened with the separation agreement. He also said we will always be friends and I can always lean on him for anything I need done even money. Funny we were at a business meeting together a couple of hours prior to that and he was talking about expansion and the future of the company with everyone. Then bang I get an email.

I responded saying this is a 20 year relationship that can't be severed Ina week. I said you are free to move forward any way you see fit but I me to make sure we do this right. I don't think it's something that can be decided on email but I am open to talking about it when you get home. I will make a list of items to discuss. I ended it by saying that although we will always cop aren't together and I will do everything in my power to give my kids the best life. However I am so hurt and angry right now that I don't think we can be friends. BOMB went off. He lost it. Came home and screamed and cursed at me. Then sent me an email as I was standing on top of his head obviously to document the case for court that he has changed his mind about the proposed agreement. He would think about it and get back to me.

Was what I said that bad or a real dose of reality? He said I was just trying to be nice. I don't want to be your friend. You have no friends and aren't capable of friendship. Wow I can't believe I loved that!!!!!!

[DFE]

Did I say something wrong when I said I couldn't be friends after the divorce? It took us from an amicable divorce to war. He is so upset. Is this normal behavior? I need advice. Is this because he is feeling the reality? He looks disgusted by me and said I don't want your friendship I was saying it for you because you have no friends.

[DFE]

I've finally accepted it's the end of the road. It only took me 9years but I'm here. I've accepted it and am ready to move on. Do I want to? No? I don't believe in divorce and I want my family together. I'm afraid of dating again and of being alone. But I also know that this isn't how it should be. I shouldn't live in fear of him leaving, wanting out, or not wanting to be intimate with me.

There has to be something better out there. I'm not appreciated and after the way he has been speaking to me the last few days/weeks I can see he has ZERO respect for me. None. Yes it's my fault. People will treat you how you let them. I need to work on that for my future. Never be anyone's doormat. He's angry and feels hatred towards me. He says I've ruined his life. Wow I thought we had a great life. Everyone was envious on the outside. I guess the inside it was different and I didn't know it.

Move forward and let go. I will be ok.

[DFE]

I haven't posted in a while. Not sure what I want anymore. I am so tired of this limbo and have told H to proceed as he sees fit. We have been going back and forth about the separation agreement. He wants the kids 50/50 which I am having trouble accepting. I don't want them bounced back and forth between homes at such a young age.

He wants us to either continue running the business together or one of us buying the other out. I just don't see how I can run a business with him and be divorced. I also know that if either of us leaves the business it will have a huge impact on the business but I just don't see how we can continue to work together yet move on. How can I heal and cut the cord when we are still working together?

Looking back I do see where he came back with a good attitude. He had made some changes but I think he expected us to go back to where we were when we met 20 years ago as soon as he came back. When he didn't see the spark he got scared that it would never come back. I wish I had tried harder and focused more on US rather than hanging out as a family. I was trying to go slow and let things develop slowly.

In hindsight he seemed to be in a rush. We had sex the first week he was back and when it wasn't spectacular that put doubts in his mind that we could ever get the spark back. Despite everything we have been through I wish I had another chance to make this right. I don't believe in divorce and not only will it impact our family it will have a huge impact on our business. Why can't I just drop the rope? I am disappointed in myself for not giving up. And why oh why do I still love him deep down inside? I can say I am not in love with him but I do love the man despite all the hurt he has caused me.

[Roberta]

Being in this kind of emotional limbo is extremely stressful and unproductive. There is so much at stake in this relationship. Your business, marriage and most of all your family will continue to suffer if you do not get some expert, professional "pro-marriage" guidance. At the end of your post, you say that deep down inside you still love your husband. With these seeds of hope, you have to feel certain that you've left no stone unturned. I strongly urge you to seek the help of a Divorcing Busting Coach so that you can really gain clarity once and for all.
Call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004

[DFE]

Got an email from H today saying that we will obviously not come to an agreement. He will sign a lease on Monday and will go away for a few days. He will move when he gets back and file for D. He wants 50/50 custody and will not sell or give me the business.

Everything inside of me wants to tell him to reconsider but I just don't even have the words. He is throwing everything we have built down the drain. My kids will not grow up with both parents in the house. And the D will be a fight. I feel he came back to give it a chance but expected results too fast. We had a month before he wanted out. We didn't even have time to schedule marriage counseling or go to the marriage retreat I wanted to talk to him about.

Do I talk to him one last time or just let it go? Once he is gone I am closing this book and moving on. This has gone on too long. Help.

[chasingpavements]

Hey DFE, just checking in to see how you are doing!
~CP

[DFE]

HI CP,
I am stuck on a roller coaster that won't stop moving. I don't know what else to do. It's a very disfunctional relationship if you can even call it that......I think I am losing my mind. I am starting a new thread to get some help. I am sure everyone here is sick of hearing from me. I am embarrassed that I am still on this roller coaster and don't know how to get off. He is still living in the house because he won't leave BUT he wants to. He just wants us to continue to run our business together and co-parent. I can't. It's hard enough without the daily interaction. Hence why we are stuck. Then he will give me a glimmer of hope and I crumble and fall back into the same patters.

How are you doing? Is your husband gone for good? I hope you are doing well. It will give me hope that I will make it through this miserable time of my life. Thanks for checking up on me. I am going to start a new thread.