She left - 2

[gogofo]

Something else that was an issue for the W was lack of planning events for the weekend. In the beginning of the R I used to joke that it was Sadder-day not Saturday. W was grumpy a lot on weekends waiting for us to do something or have a plan. This was a bigger issue in the summers because she is a teacher and has them off. By Friday she has been sick of being home and is ready to do something, but I have been working all week and get solace from being at home. No matter how many times we tried or made efforts, we slipped back into not having a plan on Saturdays.

She was the one who made most of the plans, hence me taking her for granted. She also said she stopped trying and I did not notice. This remark was about having a planned date night and her always taking the initiative to get the sitter and make sure we had a date night. When she stopped taking the initiative, I did not notice nor did I plan many or any date nights.

I knew this was an issue right before she left and I had things planned out, but too little too late. She already felt disrespected and unvalued. Anything I did at this point seemed reactionary and only a ploy to win her back. When I empathize and try to see things from her perspective this hurts.

She has mentioned if I had tried even a little bit she never would have left. I was trying, but after reading the Five Love Languages I now understand how she missed my actions.

My actions for this were to take initiative with events, ideas, etc. I have been working on this with friends, family, and at work since I cannot do it with the W. I also have been thinking of date ideas and have a journal with around 30 different or unique ideas besides going to dinner and a movie kind of stuff. This way when, or if, the chance comes I can pick through a list and plan things ahead of time instead of last minute or never at all.