Separate and Filed walking on

[Mach1]

3. Several people have told me that D16 was driving a person's truck while still on her permit. The guy's name was X and he was somewhat intoxicated so she drove the truck on her permit. I don't think that was right but have no say anymore. (this person is over 21, rarely if ever drinks and has a CDL that he uses to earn a living....what's being described is completely out of character with the person I know).

Wait...

Didn't you just post the other day that you took her for her Driver's test ?


Additionally...

I agree with Wonka about talking with your Daughter about this....

And just to add to what she said already...

Your 16yo is also the catylist for your other two daughters. What they see from her, and how you handle it, will dictate what you will, and will not allow from them....

Set the example early, and it's less work in the future.

I don't feel as though the email (as a whole) deserves much of a response, other than...


Thank you for the information...

[paul19510]

Paul,

Have you ever sat down D16 to talk to her about responsible sex? I am not talking about the mechanics of it. More about self-respect and maturity. Ya know? As her father, I think you would be a good model to do this instead of just washing your hands off like your W does. That is abdicating her parental responsibilities. This is how I am reading this particular matter on your D16.

What do you think?

hi wonka Yes. She and I have talked and she's well aware. The comments are not based in the present and reflect a period of time if at all when w and D16 were BUFfs and all was well. They don't talk now and its just hurtful mudslinging

[paul19510]

He thanks for taking time to check in on me. One thing to mention my STANZA did say it bothered her if I date. So .really she just want to stay married because she makes a lot less than I do and has much more expensive tastes. So when we split and our incomes change she can't afford her stuff anymore and its all stuff I can live without. That's really how I see this. She didn't mention anything about wanting to stay M because of anything but money. And the kicker is she wouldn't even care if I wanted to date. I'm not interested in people that would want to date a married man with an "arrangement" if I'm going to one day be with someone else as a partner I will have no hope of that as a "married" man in the way my W is proposing here. Yuck

[paul19510]

Ye. He. Sorry Damon phone autocorrect

[Wonka]

Paul,

What DO YOU really want? Go ahead with the divorce? If yes, then you'll need to inform W that you'll proceed with the D regardless of her "wish to cancel attorney activity."

[paul19510]

Hi mach thanks. I have 1 other d13 and a s12. They do look up to there sister. She's not a run around type of girl and loves them both. In fact she's very much steady with a boy at the moment. W is mudslinging and its not nice

[ye21]

He thanks for taking time to check in on me. One thing to mention my STANZA did say it bothered her if I date. So .really she just want to stay married because she makes a lot less than I do and has much more expensive tastes. So when we split and our incomes change she can't afford her stuff anymore and its all stuff I can live without. That's really how I see this. She didn't mention anything about wanting to stay M because of anything but money. And the kicker is she wouldn't even care if I wanted to date. I'm not interested in people that would want to date a married man with an "arrangement" if I'm going to one day be with someone else as a partner I will have no hope of that as a "married" man in the way my W is proposing here. Yuck

What if the way you are seeing things now its not really the way things are? What if you are just believing thats the way they are?
I mean they can be the way you think, but they can be the other way around as well... What you trully want its a D?

[paul19510]

Wonka and ye21.thank you both for your continued support and for taking time to help me. Do I want to be divorced? No. Do I wanted to live with or legally tied to a W who is spending far more than we can afford and speaks about one of our children in ways that is harmful? No.

What I want..what I have always wanted is to be in a healthy, loving M. Continuing to stay legally tied to someone who is concerned more about our finances and her own interests is not safe for me or my kids.

Would you allow a drug addict to live in your home or continue to have uninterrupted access to you finances to by drugs? Even if they refuse to quit or to seek help for the I issues. Would you allow that person to be emotionally abusive to family members?

From what I can tell I believe that's what I have on my hands. Its not drugs but other things she is addicted to and she has no intention of stopping. She shows no signs of truly caring about the impact of her actions. I must protect myself and my kids. That is now my only concern.

If my W recanted her actions and went to try and fix what's happened, I might pause and see what chances we had or what might occur. I have not seen any signs of that. It makes me sad. I love being a husband and father. She threw that away.

[paul19510]

^^^^I know that I'm tired. I just re-read the above and it sounds curt. I didn't mean it to. My apologies if it did. W is in the throws of addiction. But even so, before this one it was something else. She's just not in this M.

[tough spot]

I don't know paul which is worse, a WAW who says something to lead you in one direction than says something else to lead you in another direction of thought. Or, like my wife....she is DONE, has been since October, no wavering, no discussion.

I feel for you as this is one of the most painful things I have ever been through. Then add on the uncertainty and fear of the future/unknown and it gets down right pleasant!